The Claremont Guide to Crying on Campus
If you’re a Claremont student and you haven’t yet experienced the feeling of wanting to cry your soul out, then you’re just plain lying. Sometimes you expect the salty tears that have been slowly building for the past couple weeks, and sometimes, they spring up on you out of nowhere. The first situation is relatively manageable—you’ve chunked out a very specific time, location, and perhaps significant other in which to break the dammed walls and let loose any repressed emotion. The second situation, on the other hand, offers no such comfort and predictability—it’s a flash flood without the warning. It’s important, then, to be able to identify your sudden tears and to know where to go after assessing your fragile state. To help you get the most out of this cry, I’ve put together an in-depth review and compilation of the best places to groan, moan, and wail in the Claremont Colleges.
When you’re looking for attention:
The best places to cry when you’re looking for attention are the middle of TNR and the benches in North Quad. Both of these areas give you the appropriate amount of company in order to satisfy your yearning for human interaction and affection. Since the concentration of people is significantly higher in these places than others, the probability of being noticed will exceed your highest expectations. People will pass you by, either sitting on a bench, or slumped into the crevice of a couch, and try to understand your tears. Hopefully, they will remember that time they’ve been in the same spot and come lend you a shoulder or napkin to cry on. Either that or they’ll read you like a diary and toss you in the trash, but regardless, your cry for attention will at least be acknowledged.
When you’re academically stressed:
Papers, midterms, resumes, cover letters, emails to your advisor, articles for The Forum—you’re academically stressed. You shed a tear for each reading assignment you didn’t complete and all the hours of research you’re going to have to catch up on the day before the test, but at least you finished your paper that’s due in twenty minutes. You think to yourself, "Surely this is the closest a human has ever come to death caused solely by stress," and just when you see the light of the printer blink and get hopeful about a neatly formatted document landing warmly in your teacher’s mailbox, the light on your computer goes out. Your document is gone, fourteen pages of analysis and bullshitting thrown out the window. That is when you give into the tears and fall prey to the academically stressed sobs that are best done in Poppa Lab and Denison Library.
These two locations are surely where you’ll be when your schoolwork gets the best of you. While Poppa Lab offers you equally as academically stressed peers, it's possible that they might simply shrug at your pain, so Denison Library offers you a quiet academic sanctuary to fully embrace the consequences of your procrastination. In Poppa Lab you can use the recycled paper to dry your tears whereas in Denison you'll be able to use the ornate wooden features to soak up your excreted moisture. Most of all, these two places are prime academic stress-induced crying spots because they are also where others in your situation will most likely end up, haphazardly printing papers last minute or searching for that last academic source.
When you just can’t take it anymore:
Sometimes it just all comes crashing down and you feel frustrated and done with the world. You call your mom, she tells you how much she loves you, but that doesn’t change anything. You’re mad, and those angry tears begin to burn trails of fire down your cheeks. The only remedy to put out those salty flames is to go to The Hub. This location will be your friend at all hours—well, all hours that the grill is open (most important hours are Sunday 7:00 p.m. to midnight). Here you can feed your anger with quesadillas and curly fries, or vent to the congregation of drunk people who have nowhere better to end their night. Furthermore, The Hub is central to CMC, which is central to the Claremont Colleges, which is central to Los Angeles, which is central to the world—thus concluding that The Hub is the perfect place to sink into your misery and remember how puny you and all your 'difficult’ problems are.
When you want to disappear:
Sometimes there are those tears that make you feel like you want to crawl inside yourself, find your inner fetal position, and never escape. You want anonymity and sanctuary from whatever spoils the modern world has become. To quench the outpouring falls, you should immediately rush to Seal Court located on Scripps’ Campus. This cobblestone courtyard will transport you to a serene environment—an Eden of sorts—in which you can listen to the soft trickle of the iconic seal throwing up water into the fountain. Its flowers and overarching trees will make you feel as though you’ve been comforted by Mother Nature’s warm embrace. When you’ve finished crying and are ready to emerge from this sanctuary, you can follow the three “re’s”: reintegrate back into society, rehydrate yourself, and replenish your electrolytes with a refreshing drink from the Motley.
This article was intended to guide those of you who are new to surprise crying attacks. Perhaps one of the most important steps before going to one of these places is making sure that you’ve identified the reason for your tears. You wouldn’t want to end up at TNC when you were really meant to be at Seal Court—now, that would a real tragedy.