New Dance Sensation Hits the Claremont Colleges
Worried that your lackluster dancing skills and questionable sense of rhythm are holding you back from social success? The subtlety needed for grinding simply beyond you? Fear not, CMCers. There's a new dance move in town, and it's the hottest thing to hit Claremont since Pam Gann. If you can do this dance, you'll be the life of TNC in no time. (And who doesn't want that title?) This revolutionary dance move is fairly easy but a bit tricky if you aren't ready for it. It's called "The Shove."
You've probably seen it happening at some recent parties and just didn't recognize it for the art form that it is. Foam, Harwood Halloween, and Eurotrash are some examples of the truly exceptional dancing we have here on the 5Cs. What you've been witnessing, my friends, are scores of students Shoving each other expertly.
Now, before you get worried: You don't need to be a fantastic dancer to Shove. Nearly anyone can do it; you just have to pay a little bit of attention to the flow of the crowd around you.
Here's a quick how-to for the uninitiated: First, you must get as close as possible to everyone around you. At least seven body parts should be touching any given person within a foot of you. (You cannot skip this step.) Second, push against the person to your left. If they know what they're doing, they'll push you back.
Now, use that momentum to push against the person to your right. Continue this back and forth until at least one person is on the ground getting trampled. The more people down, the better Shover you are.
Once you really get into it, you'll have to be careful who you Shove. Shoving someone who is a better Shover than you might end with you on the ground, which is never the goal. More importantly, adults hate the Shove, so keep an eye out for Campus Security or any other authority figures who might try to shut down your sexy new groove. The Shove is simply too progressive for most adults. An inside source says that the deans have held several emergency meetings in Heggblade to discuss how to "eradicate this problem before it becomes an epidemic." But remember the important lessons we learned in Footloose, namely that adults just don't understand.
Of course, a simple how-to is not everything you need to know to succeed at this new dance sensation. Here are some tips and tricks to keep you on the cutting edge of this hot new trend:
1. Elbows are key. Now, this body part usually doesn't have much of a place on the dance floor, but elbows are your sexiest dancing weapons when it comes to doing The Shove. A great place to practice your elbow skills before you hit the dance floor is the Pitzer omelet line.
2. Sometimes it's tempting to get into a rhythm and dance with the people around you. This is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. You and the people around you should never be moving with each other, only against.
3. Double points if you Shove a Sagehen.
Alright CMCers, it's on you now. This week's TNC begins in just fourteen hours. You now know how to Shove, so get out there and use those elbows. Happy Shoving!