Dear A Mitch: A Fresh Breath

Dear A Mitch,

I'm lost in the repetitive life of CMC and I desperately need to find a way out. Every week is the same. Work hard all week so that I can play hard on Thursday night. Fight through hangovers on Friday and work hard all Saturday just so I can find a cute girl to dance up on me when the night rolls around. I'm done with it. All I want is a breath of fresh air, a new definition of "play hard" that doesn't involve the same old shit, and maybe a cute girl to enjoy this fresh air with.


Looking For Something New


Tired of the Garden of Eden, eh? No more savoring forbidden fruit? What a horrible idea. God’s given you amnesty. This is a bare-bodied luxury only real people walk away from. And you cannot be real. Not at CMC. You’d be making a huge missssstake. Like a snake, get it?

Nevertheless, gardens aren’t always green. The CMC Style Guide condenses a lot of expectations into one routine. Study hard. Drink Relentlessly. Attempt to bang out beezies like Steven Hawking at a String Theory conference. It becomes an unfulfilling prophecy of blackouts and techno gyration--hardly the situation to develop real relationships. If that’s what your friends are doing though, well, just get wasted again? Okay. Cool. I’ll call you when we’re headed to Boswell.

Naturally, the friends we make at this school help chronicle our adventures. The CMC moniker says we are all leaders in the making. But we still follow at times, going with the flow of people we enjoy, especially as freshman. New students are vulnerably sewn into a group of friends through necessity. Loneliness is a cold trombone. Which is why we have WOA trips and new student events; let's be best friends type stuff.

For those that have developed a schedule of partying, it can be hard to break the traditions we’ve come to identify as customary. Work - Booze - Try to get laid - Fail (too drunk) - Work - Booze - Get laid (too drunk but she was too so kind of successful, mostly a fail) - Recap absurdities at brunch - Work… It is a repetitive path to hazy memories resurrected by Facebook tags.

So you want out. What now? Tell your friends you’re better than them and head to Pitzer for a concert where you know exactly no one? That’s when it hits you: “How do I actually change the way I spend my time without ostracizing myself from the people who mean so much to me?” It’s a confounding challenge. But here is where you use all those so-called leadership skills you wrote about in your application essay on Ghandi or FDR (whoever came up when you Googled “famous historical leaders”).

Speak up to your friends. Make suggestions to do fun stuff like camping or going to events in LA. Or plan a game night that is open to people who want to drink, but doesn’t require one to be shwasty to have fun (Banangrams drinking game anyone?).

Bad ideas? Camping is for homeless people? Okay, fair enough. Maybe arrange to kick it with a friend from class and bring one of your mates along for the scene change. Meet Pomona girls you don’t have complete sexual history indexes (SHI) for. Find someone who dislikes top forty mashups by DJ In2ition. Force yourself upon their weekend scene.

Then follow up. If I had a dime for every time someone had a non-party plan that didn’t iron out, I would have a ton of dimes. And I’d chuck every single one of them at windows with empty alcohol bottles lining the windowsills. WE DRINK SO MUCH! NOW YOU KNOW! AHHHHH RAGE! My bad, regression. Follow up though, for real. Take the lead in making plans. Your friends might be reluctant to switch up their speed, but if you tell them with sincerity you need to do something other than wear half-assed, themed-costumes on Saturday night, they should understand.

If not, fuck ‘em. Not physically. I mean, you can, if you want. I guess not technically. They’d have to consent. What I should have said is, forget ‘em. Then shoot me a text so we can have a couple beers and chill out. Read poetry or something. Fly night kites. Make puppets out of our hands and get them wasted on thimble shots. Film it all and start a weekly comedy show on the Forum. Stuff like that.

As for the cute girl you seek. Rather, the intimate relationship. Please reference articles 1-20 of mine on attaining and keeping a girlfriend. Dos and don’ts, sex positions galore, weird material. It’s there. I have Spanish homework.


A Mitch