Variation on a Slut: Every CMC Girl’s Halloween Costume

October 30, 2008

The scariest aspect of Halloween for me, by far, is the sudden lack of clothing. It’s as if every girl wakes up on the 31st and decides, “Rather than carving pumpkins to prepare for the haunted holiday, I feel my time would be better spent cutting up my own costume.” As Halloween comes and goes each year, I cannot help but notice how everyone is wearing less and less. I fear not an invasion of zombies, but whores. There seem to be several issues with such a tradition.

This so-called sexiness is really just laziness in my mind. Clearly there is a lack of planning here. These people are not even bothering with a whole outfit. While some might be attempting to save money by purchasing an ill-fitting kid’s costume, others are simply not trying. At the last minute, someone dons nothing but lingerie and a little accessory, say cat ears or a witch’s hat, and deems it a costume. An increase in cleavage does not a costume make.

Having come from a climate in which children eagerly hop into their Spiderman costumes only to top them off with parkas, this lack of dressing seems impractical. At night it gets fairly cold here, something one would surely notice in nothing but a bra and sash reading “Girl Scout.” Worry not about eating too much candy, but, rather, getting hypothermia.

One really wonders – at what point does everyone all start to look the same? Enough people show skin and everyone looks an extra in Pretty Woman. More than once have I walked into a party wondering if I wrongly entered a Disney nightclub. I don’t recall Cinderella losing her shoe and her top. Since when does Minnie the Mouse spend more time strutting the street than at home with Mickey? These, of course, are the characters I can pick out. Most of the time I don’t even bother trying to discern whether someone is trying to be a bimbo or a floozy this year.

I am hard pressed to think of any costume that has not been remade in call girl fashion. Even people from the past are not safe. I would love to say that I’ve never seen a promiscuous pilgrim, but no, history finds itself rewritten come Halloween. I grow tired of the monotony. The real question should be “What are you not dressing up as for Halloween?”