The StagHen: BREAKING NEWS: Campus Desolate After Thousands of Students Mysteriously Disappear

November 27, 2008

Campus Desolate After Thousands of Students Mysteriously Disappear

by Jeff Park

Remaining 5C students awoke this morning to an eerie silence. After a night of raucous partying at which a myriad of students could be seen partaking in drinking, dancing, and debauchery hundreds of students have mysteriously disappeared from the Claremont Colleges, sources revealed Wednesday.

No sign of where these students have gone has been reported, but a cluttered lawn full of red cups, human vomit and overturned furniture serves as a daunting reminder of the once bustling campus.

The recent tragedy couldn't come at a worse time. This weekend is Thanksgiving break and marks the time of the year when students take a few days off from their studies and enjoy the beautiful autumn weather. Unfortunately, it seems as though few will have that pleasure as the majority of students disappeared Wednesday morning.

Charles McDonald, Director of Campus Security, assured the schools that an “investigation is underway,” but quickly admitted that “there’s a high chance that [they] come up with nothing. A lack of evidence could hinder any results. This case is even more difficult in that strangely, all of the witnesses and leads seem to have disappeared, as well."

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