I am a freshman and I recently went on one of the WOA trips. I love all the people I met, and I think I made some true friends. I am writing because one of our leaders, to be unnamed of course, probably needs to be my future husband. Okay not actually, but I have a big crush on him. I didn’t really know how to approach him on the trip, though it probably wouldn’t have been inappropriate for me to do that anyway. He is obviously a bit older than I, something I don’t find too problematic. Others (my friends) however, think I should just keep him as a friend because he’s older and has been somewhat of a counselor to us. I am not quite sure what to do on this one, apparently you’re the one to ask?

Young Woman,

Although I do have experience with older men (e.g. Portland Mayor Sam Adams), I don’t think throwing yourself at your WOA leader for political power is the route you want to take. Stay off the news! You may not know this, but I’d estimate, say, 91.3% of men in the US don’t truly care how old you are. And at CMC, or any college, one usually doesn’t have to worry about whether you legally bought those cigarettes in the black and pink box of marketing genius. We’re talking an age range of 18-23 years old- more like 18 and 20 for you. This doesn’t mean that age is a non-issue in relationships, just this: At CMC, qualities that supposedly develop with age, like maturity, are not always positively correlated. Truthfully, CMC can probably go ahead and take that conjecture out of the scrutiny box. Have you met Tom (last name omitted in conjunction with copyright laws)? Kid blacks out more frequently than Dora mugs folks in the dinner line.

As far as figuring out if this guy has any interest in you, well, it sounds like you already have a plan for that. If I were to make a suggestion, it would to be to take charge of the circumstance. You could ask this stag to go somewhere with friends, or maybe meet him for a one-on-one coffee date at the Motley? It will show him that you are old enough to handle taking the lead- Maturity, bang! Plus, confident women are sexy. If you don’t agree I’ll introduce you to Allison Lockscrub.

One more thing (and I hate to stereotype), but I’m fairly certain females have some genetic power inside of them that makes it really easy for them to get positive attention from men, at will. Not sure where you mix up that potion. Maybe in the colon? Because I am also pretty sure women don’t poop. How are you so discreet!? So, you know, that is always an option.

Sincerely,

A Mitch

Dear A Mitch,

As I am sure you know, there are a lot of buff, good-looking guys on campus. For girls, this couldn’t be better. For me, this poses a problem for my nerdy, much less strong, tan, and athletic self. Seriously every party I went to last year ended up with me losing the girl I was dancing with to some plastered meathead. I heated up the oven and they ate the cake. What the fuck?

Sir,

OH, I KNOW! And I am sorry for your losses, but are you upset because more attractive men are swooping up all the sexy ladies at dance parties? That’s like getting frustrated with Jimmy because he picked you last in dodgeball. People go with the best available. Would you upgrade your phone service for free? Only if daddy says okay? Daddy would if the only obstacle in his way was turning 180 degrees to some other guy’s gyrating crotch. Daddy might think that is gay but I don’t think he understands the analogy. I hope you do.

Look, super attractive guys have it easier. So now what? You gotta get over it and come up with your own ways of bettering your chances. See, Jimmy might not pick you last if you were a good friend of his. Or even if he knew you were an awesome guy, that might put you a head above the cannon-armed, personality-deprived dickface. Point is, the best way for you to get play is to establish relationships with the ladies– assuming a hook up is your ultimate goal.

You need to get a girl interested in you before the weekend. Establish a playful connection with a lady you might like sharing kissies with. When I say playful, I mean taking it easy, friendliness. Rock a smile and tell her how you’re gonna drop it like it’s hot on Saturday night and she needs to be around to get broken off. She’ll say, “Oh is that so!?” Then you say, in your driest voice, “Yeah, and I apologize ahead of time for any embarrassment you may feel.”  BOOM– when you see her that weekend on the dance floor you’ll have a connection– something that cuts out the awkwardness of approaching a woman and dry humping to Lady Gaga.

And yet, you may still be traded in for a newer, more attractive model. Luckily, drunken, clothed sex is not the only way to find good girls. Maybe you should try the Friday-night-not-going-out-but-still-going-to-chill type of kick-it session. Maybe the after-class-tea-time game, where you can spit knowledge about your extracurricular activities while the athletes are all at practice. Or you could just start working out. In the sun. For maximum results, I suggest you do this.

Sincerely,

A Mitch

The clues they had to work with:

• This 5C college is not too far to roam. Every year they host a gathering full of foam. After dancing the night away, get a famous Galileo Sub at the Place of Jay.
• When things heat up, this place will keep you cool! So head out and take a picture at Pitzer’s pool.
• More often full of shes than hes, this locale is known for its coffees and teas.
• Enjoy intellectual discourse and speakers from across the world and nation, this location also hosts our annual Madrigals celebration.
• BONUS: Pour ice on another freshman.

Get smart. Read the New York Times or some other reputable news source daily. Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, whatever… learn to be an informed human being.  Professors will expect this from you, and general campus conversation will demand it.  Bonus points for Real Clear Politics, which pulls the best editorial and opinion content (from both sides) daily. Or even better, start using Google Reader.

Big fish in a little sea. So you were a hotshot at your hometown high school.  If you started a company, were student body president, or directed a Broadway play at the age of 6– that is awesome and you clearly have your stuff together, but it can easily rub your new peers the wrong way.  Be proud of your accomplishments, but leave them behind in Akron/Modesto/Westchester. We were all pretty impressive during high school, otherwise we wouldn’t be at CMC. Use those experiences; don’t talk about them. You’ll be more productive and probably even have more friends.

Love your WOA trip. I met my best friend and she met her boyfriend on our trip to Yosemite. If you attend a WOA trip (some don’t), this an automatic set of friends for you doing your first few weeks.  You’re not bound to this group of people (like Pomona students are to their Sponsor Groups), but it’s a nice safety net. While you’re hiking, canoeing, or playing beirut (with water, of course), just remember that first impressions make all the difference.

Free T-shirt Week. Otherwise known as Orientation Week and Dry Week.  The aforementioned best friend and I made it our goal to collect as many free t-shirts as possible during this week.  With all the budget cuts at CMC, the swag-factor may be slightly reduced at these events, but get ready to expand your t-shirt collection by at least 25 percent. To round out the week, there’s 6:01– the party to celebrate the precise end of Dry Week.  It really is as glorious as everyone says it is.

Overachievers anonymous. There’s a club fair in early September where all the clubs and organizations will try to convince you to join their cause.  The greatest part is not how many clubs there are –but the opportunity for leadership positions. A sophomore can be the Editor-in-Chief of a publication. A freshman can be a delegate to a national environmental conference. Get involved and stay committed, your resume will thank you.

Chill out with the Target runs. You really don’t need that much stuff at school. Every superstore — and your mother — will be trying to get you to buy dorm room stuff that you don’t need.  Think about it this way when you’re standing in line with two shopping carts full of stuff: the hottest weeks of the year are during move-in and move-out.  Do you really need that striped area rug that matches your bedspread?

What you guys should most look forward to is that you won’t be treated like the scum-of-the-earth freshmen that you are.  When I started at CMC, I was terrified to venture out to the Senior Apartments during my first week, but the upperclassmen were overwhelmingly friendly and welcoming.  It is our duty to spread goodwill and pay it forward to you guys. Good luck!

“We can see it benefiting the students more than hurting them,” said Dean Maraña.

The philosophy behind W.O.A. has always been to provide a bonding experience for students before on-campus orientation begins. There is fear among critics of expanding the W.O.A. program a mandatory would detract from the intimate bonding of the original concept.

“I’m a traditional W.O.A. guy…we’re going to have to be creative if we want to create the same experience,” said Assistant Dean of Students Jim Nauls.

In its tenth year, about 140 students participated in W.O.A.—nearly 50 % of the class of 2011. In order to make the program available to everyone there would have to be several logistical changes in the program to keep the essence and purpose of W.O.A.

For example, Pomona, which has had an orientation adventure similar to W.O.A. provided to all students for several years now, makes concessions to please students less inclined to the outdoors. To that end, Pomona provides the option of a more urban experience trip in Los Angeles.

CMC would likely adopt a program similar to Pomona’s as an alternative to the usual camping and backpacking trips. Jim Nauls and Dean Maraña recognize that it will be a challenge to develop an urban program while also replicating the bonding that they feel can only occur while in a small group in the wilderness.

“If we can make the experience that you guys had [this past year] available for everyone, we’ll do it…it’s going to be challenging though,” said Mr. Nauls when speaking of this past year’s program and the possibility of a mandatory one.

There would be other scheduling issues associated with the expansion of W.O.A. A decision has not yet been made on the participation of fall athletes who are in the midst of their pre-season by the time W.O.A. begins. However, Dean Maraña hopes that something can be worked out.

W.O.A. would have to be moved back a couple days from its usual starting date around August 23rd or 24th in order to compensate for move in day that usually occurs after W.O.A. when the students who did not go on a trip come to campus with their families. This movement of start times could conflict with placement exams for foreign languages or other disciplines.

Despite the need for a few tweaks to an expanded W.O.A. program, Dean Maraña is optimistic that it will be possible in the coming years. “If funding comes through, we’ll make it work.”