Before we turn to the menus for the week, here is a way to add some variety to your dining hall experience:

Mixed Drinks, Dining Hall Style

Spring Break has ended, so you can no longer sit on a Mexican beach sipping on a pina colada and be lulled to sleep by the soothing sound of gunshots, but your beverage at Collins doesn’t have to be a complete bore.  While most diners eventually tire of Orange Passionfruit Guava juice, the combinations you can make on your own are virtually endless.  For example:

Cran-Orange Juice: Fill your cup with half cranberry juice and half orange juice.

Arnold Palmer: Half lemonade, half iced tea.

Tart Orange:  Two parts orange juice, one part lemonade.

These are just examples, experiment yourself to find your favorite combinations.  Now onto the weekly menus:

Monday

Discerning diners can choose between Mudd, Scripps and Frary tonight.  Frary has its Individual Pizzas on Mondays.  Scripps is offering a Caesar Salad Bar at the expo with a Crispy BLT Chicken Sandwich at the Grill and Chicken Noodle Soup at the soup station.  Mudd has its normal Muddgolian BBQ as well as a Nacho Bar.

Tuesday

Saunter on over to Collins tonight for a Southwest Chicken Wrap or a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich or Crepe Expectations – Cherry & Apple. Unfortunately for CMCers, Collins crepes are nowhere near as good as Mudd’s.  Before the break when I went to go get crepes on a Tuesday night, I watched the serving guy rip three out of the four crepes he gave me an the other person in line.  Furthermore, he put so much filling on the crepe pancakes that I had to dig with my fork and knife for a few seconds to find them.  While warming the final crepe he gave me, he realized that spraying the pan with PAM might be a good idea. Unfortunately, this seemed to be more easily said than done.  Rather than spray the pan and then place the crepe on the non-sticky pan, he put the crepe into the pan and sprayed the crepe.  While this might have worked to keep the crepe from sticking if he had flipped over the crepe, he just put the crepe on my plate after a few seconds and buried it in filling.

I continue to recommend Collins because the other stuff they serve on Tuesdays is good and because I still hope that Collins can shape up and finally figure out how to serve crepes.  Unfortunately, it isn’t looking like this will happen anytime soon.

If you too are tired of botched crepes, try Scripps where there will be Cheese Tortellini and Breadsticks at the Expo and Lamb Tikka Masala in the main line.

Wednesday

Tonight is Collins sushi night!  Grab a pair of chopsticks and enjoy.

Thursday

Head up to Scripps tonight for Red Curry Stir Fry Pork at the Expo, a Sky Ranch Chicken Flatbread Sandwich at the grill and Pesto Chicken Breasts in the main line.

Friday

It’s Cesar Chavez Day! Celebrate in style at Mudd with Individual Pizza’s Made to Order, Carne Asada Tacos and Clam Chowder.

You can also get sushi at Scripps.

Saturday

Tonight Scripps is not only offering its weekly steak cooked to order night, but also serving Chicken, Chipotle & Cheese Quesadillas. Scripps is worth braving the lines for tonight.

Sunday

Ah, Sunday, isn’t it strange that what is supposed to be a day of rest for many people is spent frantically working on papers and homework?  Collins essentially takes Sundays off, so try braving the lines at Mudd for Steak Made to Order (make sure to get there early) or you can head to Pitzer for pre-cooked steak and Pitzer’s generally high-quality food.

That is all for this week.  Thank you for reading!

Seriously people, spring break is coming

Spring break is coming up and I am visiting friends for the week. My girlfriend is going on a cruise to Mexico. I believe her when she says she isn’t going to hook up with anyone, but I have some serious trust issues. There are going to be a lot of CMCers on this cruise, and I’m scared she is going to really embarrass me. Not to mention Mexico is somewhere I think she shouldn’t be going right now with the surge in murders and kidnappings.

My Man,

Ah, the Ensenada, Los Cabos Mexican spring break cruise? Well I’m going on that so I can watch her for you. I usually charge $100 a day for stalking but I’ll do it for $80. If she’s fit.

On the real, I think you have to ask yourself where these trust issues come from. Has she wronged you? Seriously embarrassed you in the past? Or is she just a flirtatious lady who enjoys the attention of making other people smile? Or is it that you don’t trust yourself to stay faithful and are displacing your potential infidelity on her? I don’t know the answers to these questions, yet I do know that regardless of why you feel this way, in no possible situation can this help your relationship.

Being in a relationship with trust issues is like buying shoes that are too small. You’ll never be comfortable unless you cut off your toes, and eventually you have to do what’s best, buy some shoes that fit. However it is possible to walk barefoot, exposing yourself to an open road. Treat your trust issues like the Cowboys did TO. Because honestly, letting jealousy eat you up is pointless. You can be obsessive about what your girl could hypothetically be doing with another guy, or you can chill, knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. If she’s going to cheat, why do you want to be with her anyway? Relieve your stress. Ask her to be faithful, and drop it. Just hope she doesn’t run into my cruisemate, Austin Soldner.

As for the hostility in Mexico, I don’t think the port visits last too long. No doubt there is risk in meandering around Mexico, but she’ll be with a huge group of friends. Plus I’ll be around to cry us out of any real trouble.

Sincerely,

A Mitch

Dear A Mitch,

I struggle hugely. I cannot seem to get any play. I swear I am not a bad looking guy and I have a little class. It always seems like I’m on the right track, but then I blackout. I need sober game.

Chiefton,

Sober Game Note #1: Don’t get so fucked up you lose all the progress you made when you were sober. Drunk hook-ups can be the A plus, but most girls, even the drunkest, have at least a fraction of sense when it comes to hooking up with a guy who is wearing it harder than Killa Cam Cain’s first Calculus midterm. Is 8% good?

Sober Game Note # 2: Be a classy man. Yes it’s true some girls like bad boys. If that’s not you’re forte though, show her good intentions and amiability. Guys depend on all different qualities to get them girls: their strapping calves, their knowledge of geography, the sobriety of prey, their rapping skills, their awards for excellence in conservative journalism, GHB, but what falls between the cracks is simply the words and gestures of a classy man. Classy men do this: they hold the door and compliment a girl on the most specific thing identifiable. Like a hairdo. Or a ring. Maybe her fly ass purse? And smile while doing it, show a genuine interest.

Sober Game Note # 3: I know you’ve heard this, debes pedir preguntas! But specific questions. Not, “how’s school,” or “Did I see you last night? Yeah I blacked out too!” Try something like, “Hey Barbara, I got a question for you. Would you rather be a hippo or an eagle? Cause think about it, if you were a hippo you could just be fat, happy and lie around all day occasionally getting down. But if you were an eagle you could fly, so dope, AND you would have the respect of the entire US. No play for eagles though. What do you think?” If she thinks you’re weird for this, fuck it, she probably prefers Sagecock.

Sober Game Note # 4:  Like Seth Rogan once said, you have to plant seeds. Most of your seeds will probably be eaten by rabbits, but with tender care, the plant you spend quality, non-pressured time with should be the plant that feeds you. Let that aloe vera enrich your skin.

One last note: girls talk. So trying to skeez on a different girl every weekend gives you that GM stock. What you want is that chicken stock (always satisfying), attained by going after your rosebud whom needs some sun. Get bloomed on chief.

Sincerely,

A Mitch

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