Alumni tell me CMC has prepared me well for the journey, but have I really learned much since the 5th grade?  I have some plans, but I’ve never been more unsure of where I’ll be in five years.

Despite my personal confusion, I think I have a pretty good idea of where Claremont McKenna will be in five years. There are a lot of good “Decade in Review” articles and posts around the web lately, but I say those are written by people like Kevin Burke who can’t see into the future. Here’s what’s going to happen at CMC in the next decade.

2010:

• CMC amends the science GE requirements to allow computer science courses as an alternative option.
• The music video “That’s So North Quad” drops and takes the school by storm (just wait).
• I graduate.

2011:

• The Kravis Center opens.
• In his final act of bravery before graduation, the ASCMC Social Activities Chair will throw the largest CMC party ever in the middle of North Quad. There will be strippers, midgets, fifths, handcuffs, clowns on stilts, clowns on goats, Kanye West, and a 40-foot crane hanging a roasting pig over a spit. Epic. The next morning, a townie tied to a chair, gagged and missing his two front teeth, will wake up in the Appleby laundry room. Nobody will know how he got there. A Claremont McKenna water polo player will find the missing teeth days later at the bottom of the CMS pool. The townie will sue CMC for a few milli. In response and retaliation, the administration will cancel all ASCMC parties for the following three weeks.

2012:

• CMC announces a plan to tear down Ducey Gym and build a new gym in the “pit” across Claremont Boulevard. They have been doing this annually for years, but this time they “mean it.”

2013:

• The company that owns the College Park Apartments tries to found the sixth “Claremont” college, Upland College. The Consortium decides not to admit the school, so the company founds their own consortium — The Upland Colleges.  Holla.  The Upland Colleges will become renowned for their strict alcohol policies, degree in ergonomics, and loose women.

2014:

• An ambitious CMCer will hear about this thing called Claremont Confessions. “Sounds cool,” he says, so he brings it back. This time the site implements an anonymous video and hidden camera feature. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.
• Chipotle adds a store to the Claremont village. In-N-Out Burger takes over for Bon Appetit at the Hub.

2015:

• A few weeks ago I said to President Gann, “Tear down whatever buildings you want and rebuild them, but don’t try to tear down North Quad.”  She laughed.  ”That’s what everyone tells me!” she said.  In 2015, she draws up plans to tear down North Quad as part of what she dubs “Ganny-Gann’s Masta Plan.”

2016:

• Facebook groups remain a vehicle to achieving powerful institutional change.  President Gann mysteriously retires following the creation of the Facebook group, “WE LOVE YOU NORTH QUAD – DON’T LEAVE CMC!” The Board of Trustees hires an Economics Professor (finally!), Brock Blomberg, to take her place.  The plans to tear down North Quad are dropped.
• ASCMC gets audited by the Internal Revenue Service. Uh oh. As the ASCMC CFO shreds files associated with line items for “Tropical Lei Expense,” “Cigars for Meetings,” and “Income from Extraordinary Sources,” a CMC alumnus who was appointed head of the IRS in 2015 calls off the audit.

2017:

• Newly appointed Athenaeum Director Ward Elliot reinstates the Madrigals tradition as his first order of business. The wassail will flow once again.

2018:

• Moose Halpern (CMC ‘10), running on a campaign of “What up, chief?” is elected the youngest US Senator in California history.
• Scripps goes coed and quickly becomes the most competitive 5C school to get into. Mudders will cry. The Motley will stop serving “feminista” coffee.

2019:

• Henry Kravis bequeaths a large amount of cash money to CMC under the condition that we buy, restructure, and annex Pitzer with it, renaming the school “Claremont McKravis College” (see image).
• CMC will have the largest liberal arts college endowment in the world.

________________

I can’t predict what will happen beyond 2019 — CMC might open a water park in Montclair, the senior class might take over the Children’s School playground, the consortium might kick out Pomona College — only time will tell.  Who knows what’s coming?

To help you with your resolution writing, we asked some CMC celebs (well just some Forum writers and members of the administration) to share their hopes for the new year [editorial comments in italics]:

Abhi Nemani, Editor-in-Chief

• I wish I had the diligence to commit to something concrete (e.g. go to the gym, respond to IMs, kick the panda habit), but frankly, I don’t. What I do have is only one semester left with a lot of really great people. I resolve to remember that and to enjoy it. (And to regrow my lost hair.)

Emily Meinhardt, Managing Editor

• To be at the Scripps or College Park pools as much as possible.  And get a job.

Nathan Bengtsson, Forum Fellow

• Reduce my Gmail unread email number from 1,044 to a reasonable 100.  Not only will I be more organized, but I will no longer let the prospect of employers politely declining my generous offer to lend them my CMC-educated skill set cause me to live in fear of my inbox.

Kevin Burke, Forum Fellow

• Be a better friend and stop fantasizing about banging dead people

Wyatt MacKenzie, News Editor

• Dress less like Dior Homme [To those not familiar with Assche/Slimane’s work, that means v-neck t-shirts and slim silhouettes] and more like hmm Burberry [Conservative with a British twist].
• Go more than a month single…oh wait I made it…three months!
• Become an international art thief.

William Mullen, Forum Fellow

• Spend more time with family and work on my cooking skills

Carl Peaslee, Life Editor

• Get on a foreign reality TV show (preferably Scandinavian) and find an opportunity to shoot a gun.

Dan Evans, Forum Fellow

• Stop being pretentious about music (unlikely at best)
• Finish Rap-Musical about life of Jay Z
• Learn to use the phrase “Web 2.0″ without irony.
• also, keep a straight face while beginning sentences with “So the other day I blogged about. . . “

Madison Shimoda, Forum Fellow

• Lose ten pounds by trying the Flat Belly Diet. First, I must buy the book. I hope it doesn’t require me to exercise or cut down on food intake because I LOVE eating.
• Go to the Hunger Site everyday to click to give a free bowl of food to the less fortunate
• Finish my novel/thesis
• Get over my cat allergy or finally get ASCMC to buy me a hypoallergenic cat. (My freshman or sophomore year, I emailed ASCMC to ask for funding for a hypoallergenic cat. I got a one-word email back: No.)

Solon Christiansen-Szalanski, Forum Fellow

• Ever since Abhi began stylishly tramping around our apartment in his Snuggie, I have felt the need to challenge his chic elegance. Therefore, I resolve to purchase the Japanese-version of the Snuggie. If that fails, I will settle for the Snuggie’s British rival, the Lippi Selk.
• I resolve to learn a new skill every week–bacon weaving and sand painting are at the top of my list.
• I haven’t watched any Twilight Movies yet (I figure this Lolcats summary of New Moon has caught me up to speed), but if the final movie, Breaking Dawn, is anything like the book (spoiler alert) I resolve to immediately see it.

And now to the real CMC celebs:

Pamela Gann, President of Claremont McKenna College

• May 2010 be a banner year for CMC’s outstanding students, succeeding against all the challenges presented to them, given the state of the economy.

John Faranda, Vice President for Alumni and Parent Relations

• I do have a goal for this semester of trying to eat more meals in Collins Dining Hall with CMC students…I have loaded some Claremont Cash on my ID card and “resolve” to use it dining with you and your friends.  Except for the Athenaeum, I think that Collins is the best place to get to know people, learn about what is happening on campus, and get a tasty meal!

Gregory Hess, Vice President for Academic Affairs and Dean of the Faculty

• To read more and run more. And to take Rex and Kaia (our dogs) for more walks.  My final resolution is to will Arsenal to win the premiership! [I'm a Liverpool fan but I really don’t want to see Chelsea or Man U win so I am also rooting for Arsenal after Liverpool.]

Jefferson Huang, Dean of Students, soon to be Vice President of Student Affairs

• I’m not much of a “resolutions” person. I hope that people who do make resolutions can keep them. [The Forum suggests that Dean Huang do a naked lap around campus to show his loyalty for the school.  Alas, Madison does not endorse.]

Marc Massoud, Robert A Day Distinguished Professor of Accounting

• To stay healthy, if I can control that.
• To keep helping others, starting with my students. The success of my students and be able to see their achievements, in my mind, adds years to my life!!!

John Pitney, Crocker Professor of Politics

• Do more to help graduating students find jobs in a tough economy.

Isayas Theodros, President of Associated Students of Claremont McKenna College

• To really try to find my purpose in life. Haha, I know this is going to sound way deeper than it should, but I mean it. I have recently realized that life’s purpose is not all about being as successful as possible (financially, status, etc), but instead to really find what your calling is, and try to make a difference in the world.  [Hear, hear!]

Thank you, everyone who shared resolutions with us! I hope everyone else will make and keep their resolutions (feel free to share yours in the comments) and may the new year bring much happiness and good health to you and your family!

As usual, campus security was riding around in golf carts, sprinklers were watering the grass and sidewalks, and sketchy black cats were scurrying through the bushes by the Athenaeum and Heggblade. The weather was 65 degrees and sunny by day and as cold as 40 degrees at night. And it was really, really quiet.

On Saturday around 5 PM, a few stranded East Coasters at the senior apartments grilled chicken and steaks, played Beirut, and blasted really loud music. Nobody complained.

As our freedoms reached the peak levels of our college years and we started making some poor choices, we thought, what if more people were here? What if instead of a couple dozen students who have no choice but to be here, 1200 CMCers stayed on campus for a day or two before going home?

Unfortunately, CMC closes all residence halls at 8 PM on the Friday at the end of finals week. My guess is it would be expensive to keep the dorms open an extra day — energy costs, liability insurance, cleanup costs, etc. would all add up. I think it’s worth it. Dorms should stay open until Sunday at 8 PM, not Friday at 8 PM.  And here’s what we could do with the extra time:

An All-Campus Game of Capture the Flag

Each dorm puts their flag in their main lounge (or dunk hoops) and receives a target.  If you capture a dorm’s flag, they are out of the game and your dorm gets that dorm’s target.  Every student is equipped with either laser tag guns, paintball guns, nerf guns, or water guns.  Obviously, each potential weapon has its trade-offs and would need to be laboriously debated at the Athenaeum before any decision is made.  There might be problems with 1,000+ students running around campus with fake automatic weapons, but let’s ignore that for now. Other possibility: North Quad vs South Quad.  Blowout After-party: Senior Apartments.

A Community Service Project/Day

I don’t really know what this would entail, but I’m sure we could figure it out.  Some companies have a policy that requires employees to take a day off from work to do community service.  Some companies do it together and all on one day — that’s the idea here, but with CMCers instead of a company. Instead of the townies coming to us, we’ll go to them for once. Blowout after-party: Scripps Pool.

Color Wars

If you went to camp, you know what this is. If you didn’t, read here. Dean Deb Wood will not be happy about this one; I doubt she went to camp. Blowout after-party: Green Beach.

Ski Beach Day

This year, the weather was perfect on the Saturday in question. It was 80 degrees and sunny mid-day. We would take buses up to Mt. Baldy, ski, then go to the beach. We’d probably have freshmen and sophomores go to the beach, then ski, and vice versa for seniors and juniors. Maybe we’d meet in the middle and rent out some huge restaurant/hall in LA for lunch for everyone. Pomona does this to a lesser extent already, why don’t we? Blowout after-party: Mt. Baldy

Camp-Out on Green Beach

We get like 500 tents and put them all over Parents Field in a circle. In the middle, we build a giant bonfire (the environment be damned). At midnight, everyone gathers around in pajamas and passes around a megaphone, giving toasts to the semester and throwing in symbolic pieces of the semester (my Business Law textbook, for example) into the flames. In between some of the tents, we’d have fires for marshmallows, etc. Blowout after-party: Parents Field

The Longest Boat Race in the History of Claremont McKenna College and the Entire World and the Galaxy and the Universe

From the Senior Apartments to President Gann’s front doorstep. It’s an idea that’s been thrown around a lot… let’s do it. Blowout after-party: Pam Gann’s Backyard

Runners-up: Huge snowball fight, carnival day, Joshua Tree trip, Mock Wedding, Hula Hoop Day, Rodeo Day, Catalina wine mixer, Cross the Border Day (AKA Tijuana Day), Dig a Tunnel to Scripps Day, Hug a Townie Day

Sure, institutional changes don’t happen overnight, and they don’t happen easily. Usually it takes a $200 million gift or a 25 percent decline in our endowment for things to change. Regardless, I’m graduating in the spring and plan on enjoying senior week while you all take finals. But if I were a younger man, I might fight for the right to capture the flag.

Top 20 things I would buy if I were President Gann* and had a boatload of money (in order of importance):

1. A new athletics/recreation center to replace Ducey.  Easily the most important thing for CMC right now.
2. A computer science professor (or two).  We only have one now.
3. A new website
4. More “networking” trips during breaks like the ITAB (Silicon Valley) and FEI (NYC) trips.  Both were some of the best learning experiences I’ve had in the past four years.
5. Renovations and furniture for the Hub
6. Renovations and furniture for the computer labs (better furniture, more screens, etc… check out the Mudd/Pomona labs and you’ll see what we’re missing)
7. Renovations and furniture for the Reading Room
   (Onto the frivolous purchases…)
8. Giant plasma screens and speakers all over campus broadcasting the same thing at all times
9. An elaborate mini-golf course between Boswell and Green
10. An outdoor pool for non-athletic use (Scripps is too far and has inconvenient hours for men)
11. A large outdoor hot tub at the Senior Apartments.  (Important: cleaned and sanitized daily, at least.)
12. A bronze statue of Donald McKenna outside Collins Dining Hall.  Oxidized to look old and grand.
13. A gold statue of Henry Kravis outside the Kravis Center.  Polished daily to look new and expensive.
14. Scripps College (just the students, the Motley, and the dining hall.  They can keep the other stuff.)
15. A lazy river from Kravis Center to Bauer Center.  (Important: shut off and emptied on Thursday and Saturday nights.)
16. High speed train from Claremont Boulevard to the top of Mt. Baldy
17. Chairlift (gondola?) from South Quad to North Quad
18. Pitzer College (KKR leveraged buyout style)
19. The Mudd Hole
20. Loanable go-karts (with front-mounted video cameras)

Other changes would include abolishing senior thesis, most GEs, and demolishing McKenna Auditorium and Ducey Gym.

*Henry Kravis, Robert Day, or any other super rich donor would do

Disagree? Did I forget something? Leave it in the comments.

#16 Best Campus Food (+1)
#7 Best Career Services (-5)
#11 Dorms Like Palaces (no change)
#3 Happiest Students (+1)
#15 Lots of Race/Class Interaction (+3)
#11 Most Popular Study Abroad Program (not ranked last year)
#10 Most Politically Active Students (+1)
#13 Professors Get High Marks (not ranked last year)
#10 Most Accessible Professors (+1)
#3 School Runs Like Butter (+2)
#13 Great Financial Aid (-3)
#1 Easiest Campus to Get Around (not ranked last year)
#3 Best Quality of Life (+2)

And lastly, the ranking that CMC Public Affairs left off in their annual self-congratulatory mass e-mail…
Lots of Beer #5 (+8)

You can bet your Icehouse keg that President Gann is getting angry phone calls from alumni and parents about that one.  It’s not surprising that Public Affairs left it out in the e-mail, but it is strange that the e-mail is from “Public Affairs Office,” as if someone (Richard Rodner?) doesn’t want to stand behind it.

Anyway, expect to see some backlash against ASCMC in the form of increased security at parties, RA narc-ing, and difficulty when registering kegs.  In addition, Dean of Students will get some heat, and Trustee committee meetings will dwell on the issue for far too long.  Last year I wrote a post on the topic of beer at CMC, but it goes without saying that this ranking is based on widely-held misconceptions about CMC parties.  (On a side note, Preston Waserman ‘11 thinks we can do better: “I really think with the right attitude we can get to top three,” Waserman said in his most recent Twitter.)

As for the rankings as a whole, they seem to indicate that not only did we drink more, but we admitted three or four more minorities and international students, got rejected from lots of jobs, fired a housing coordinator, and had slightly better weather.  Not a bad year.

Overall, I would say that Princeton Review does a good job of ranking the Claremont Colleges within the Claremont Colleges.  Yes, CMCers might drink more than Pitzer and the other 5Cs, but we’re pretty comparable to Pomona and pale in comparison to most state schools.  And yes, Pitzer has lot more “Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians” who happen to smoke pot than the other 5Cs.  But I wouldn’t say Harvey Mudd is truly among the least beautiful campuses in the country or that CMC’s beer consumption per capita is anywhere close to that of some Ivy League schools.

Here’s how the other 5Cs fared:

Scripps:
#4 Dorms Like Palaces
#4 Most Beautiful Campus
#19 Easiest Campus to Get Around

Pomona:
#14 Dorms Like Palaces
#7 School Runs Like Butter
#5 Great Financial Aid
#13 Least Religious Students
#1 Best Classroom Experience
#19 Best Quality of Life

Pitzer:
#10 Most Popular Study Abroad Program
#12 Birkenstock-Wearing, Tree-Hugging, Clove-Smoking Vegetarians
#19 Gay Community Accepted
#7 Lots of Race/Class Interaction
#14 Reefer Madness
#11 Least Religious Students
#11 Most Liberal Students

Harvey Mudd:
#7 Least Beautiful Campus
#17 Intercollegiate Sports Unpopular or Nonexistent
#15 Professors Get High Marks
#12 Most Accessible Professors
#18 Students Study the Most

For people who ask stupid questions.
We’ll admit it. We ask stupid questions sometimes. It’s so much easier to turn to your super intelligent friend and ask that really ridiculous question that you clearly spent no time trying to figure out for yourself. Actually, in our case, it’s usually worse, because we’re gchatting the super intelligent friend…and already being on the computer, there’s even less of an excuse not to just google something. Hurray for laziness!

For those of you who wish to punish the lazy, lmgtfy.com is your new best friend.

If you didn’t immediately grasp what the website is all about (you’re probably the same idiot asking the stupid questions), lmgtfy.com lets you put in a search question and then makes an animation that you can link to, showing other people how easily they could have found their answers all by themselves.

“We’re assuming a 30% drop,” Gann stated. “This really starts effecting your budget two years from now, rather than right this minute. But because of the way our spending rule works, it smooths out bad quarters over twelve total quarters. It gives you time to put everything in motion to absorb such a big loss.”

Such motions were generally outlined in Gann’s November report, which included the suspension of certain faculty searches. While no current building projects will be directly effected– the Kravis Center is on schedule, the tennis center will open and the Eastern lands will be purchased– the administration doesn’t plan on embarking on any new projects in the near future.

The Campaign for Claremont McKenna will likely have a slow year, with many donors saying they will pledge at the end of the campaign, which is four years from now. The campaign’s major gifts from Day, Kravis, Crown and Roberts will all be paid out as planned.

Colleges and universities across the board have witnessed similar misfortunes, with losses in fiscal year 2008 averaging between 25-30%.

The list of signatories does not include president Pamela Gann of Claremont McKenna College.

Given CMC’s fairly liberal attitude towards underage drinking, at first glance it seems surprising that our administration would not gladly sign onto a statement that promotes lowering the drinking age. However, when examining the Amethyst Initiative statement more closely and comparing it to the drinking culture at CMC, it is apparent that president Gann has some good reasons not to sign it.

Despite the drinking age being 21, says the statement, “a culture of dangerous, clandestine ‘binge-drinking’ – often conducted off-campus—has developed.” While there may be a fair amount of binge drinking at CMC, clandestine is definitely not the word to describe it. In addition, there is little social life off-campus for underage students and more students that are 21+ go off campus to drink than those that are underage.

A social life that centers around campus, says President Gann, is exactly what the CMC administration aims to achieve” “We don’t stick our heads in the sand and say students aren’t going to drink,” she says. Instead, the administration tries to respect students’ privacy and focuses on the safety and security of the students. These actions by our administration are different than most other colleges and universities and perhaps show that there’s an alternative to lowering the drinking age that can still promote student health and prevent drunk driving and “clandestine” binge drinking. Gann points out that the size of our school and the fact that almost 100 percent of students live on campus are helpful to achieving these goals, and that she is not ready to promote this a solution for other schools.

In addition, the statement says: “alcohol education that mandates abstinence as the only legal option has not resulted in significant constructive behavioral change among our students.” President Gann believes that education about alcohol is extremely important and that college administrators have a responsibility to make sure that their students are prepared to deal with widespread drinking, both on campus and in the “real world” after graduation.

“We run 24/7 a village and community for young people and it is our responsibility to make sure they are socialized to the appropriate uses and dangers of alcohol,” she says. This goes beyond focusing on the law to providing a practical education about alcoholism, alcohol and mental illness, alcohol poisoning, and other dangers of alcohol. It also means exposing students to an environment where they can make healthy decisions about alcohol. This type of education is important regardless of the drinking age, Gann believes.

Opponents of the Amethyst Initiative, most notably Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), have argued that raising the drinking age has lowered drunk driving deaths by over 10 percent, even when controlling for other factors like new safety features. The unique approach to alcohol at CMC serves as an example of how we can keep our roads safe while cutting down on uncontrolled and unhealthy drinking on campuses.

There are certainly many compelling reasons for lowering the drinking age, and I’m sure most of you underage would love to be able to drink legally (I just turned 21 suckers!), but CMC proves that there are many actions that college and university administrators can take without having to drastically change public policy.

One of the most positive results of the Amethyst Initiative is that it has sparked debate, not only on college campuses, but also throughout the country. The drinking age not only affects us at CMC, but it affects our peers serving in Iraq who are not trusted to drink even though they are prepared to give their lives. “Colleges are just a very small subset of the American population,” says Gann. She looks forward to having candid discussion about this issue, both on campus and in the greater American community.