Many of my friends used to know me as one of the worst procrastinators, but this past semester I tried hard to improve my work habits, and saw great results. I know that these same tips will not work for everyone, but even the process of analyzing your study habits and dedicating yourself to make positive changes (especially for you underclassmen) can improve your sleep schedule, stress level, and maybe even that pesky-all-defining-parent-pleasing-or-displeasing number on your transcript.

1) Choose your environment

She did not read this article...

When it comes to studying, the top three factors for selecting a workspace should be the same as if you were buying a home: location, location location! Personally speaking, I get distracted in a dorm setting so I make my way to various spots around campus: one of our libraries (the School of Theology Library is practically deserted during finals for those of you with bikes/cars), the reading room, the “fishbowl,” an empty classroom, any café if you don’t mind the chatter, and if it’s sunny (we do live in SoCal) head outside for a couple hours. If studying at the same library carrel sounds boring to you (you can reserve a personal one on the first day of classes, look into it) take the initiative to find a few places where you’re comfortable and switch it up every once in a while. If you prefer to work in your room, make sure that you keep your desk and general workspace organized. I hate to sound like your mother, but she’s right (isn’t she always?); if the area around you is cluttered it makes it more difficult to concentrate on the task in front of you. So get the clothes in the hamper, the dishes washed, and your bed made to keep you focused on your work. Lastly, minimize outside distractions.  This includes a silenced cell, friends at a safe studying distance, and internet use on check with a little Self Control.

2) Establish a routine

After hitting the snooze button a couple of times every morning, I put on some music and while I munch on some breakfast food (your mom was right about that one, too)  I try to plan out what I absolutely need to get done that day, as well as what I would like to get done. Even if you don’t want to take a few minutes to jot down a list, you can take a minute to mentally organize your day. I grab water, snacks, a sweater, the books/print-outs I need for that days classes, and most importantly, any work for the next day. I’ve noticed the less often I need to come back to my room the less I’m tempted to knock on my neighbor’s door, check out Netflix, or Skype with a friend when I should be hitting the books. Being able to go from class, to lunch, to the library, to class, to dinner or work, to Poppa or the reading room, and then make it back to my room before ten to wind down for the night is what works for me. Find the time of day at which you work best and make sure to make the most of that time. Learn to break up your day so that you can avoid any one task for too large of a time block. Varying your studying as well as rewarding yourself with short breaks in between will help keep your mind from wandering.

3) Get organized

When your professor hands you your syllabus at the beginning of the semester, he or she is laying the foundation for your mentality in that class. Don’t avoid looking ahead more than a week because you don’t want to stress; getting a handle on the expectations and work load for the course will help you plan your semester. Whether it’s an iCal, a planner, or that animal calendar from grandma (maybe associating baskets of kittens with econ midterms isn’t so bad?) note the dates of all major assignments, quizzes, exams, and papers in one place. Make sure to organize your computer files by semester and course (and maybe back them up while you’re at it) so you won’t find yourself struggling to remember the title of a stray document you saved last year somewhere in the depths of your computer. Establish a filing system so that you can keep all of your syllabi, Sakai print-outs, class hand-outs, and returned work in one place (this also helps with visible clutter); you’ll be glad you did when exams roll around.

4) Shun the deadline mentality

This will not be you this semester

Many of us tend to work toward deadlines, letting them dictate our schedules, rather than working fromthe date the work is assigned. One of the most difficult and important pieces of advice is to start preparing for assignments and tests well in advance. Say I have a ten page essay due; as soon as the prompt is assigned I brainstorm topics. A daunting assignment cannot be tackled until you physically put ink to paper or words to screen. At least a week before the essay is due I meet with the professor if needed, I gather my sources, and start outlining my work. And then I edit until I know that it is the best of my ability. Does this mean I end up working for more total hours on the same assignment than the guy who writes it the night before? Definitely. But when most of us applied to CMC we didn’t picture our finest work coming from cram sessions.  The work we can be most proud of comes from an intellectual dialogue with professors and peers, research on a topic stemming from genuine curiosity rather than convenience, and time spent conscientiously crafting an essay or project that reflects your opinions and arguments. That’s the tricky thing about procrastination; you shouldn’t avoid it because it doesn’t work.  In fact for many students it works just fine, but in the process you cheat yourself from being the student you can be.

But when you come across one of those unavoidable sleepless nights of furiously typing away at the computer or pouring yourself over the pages of your thickest textbook, just soldier on and remember that you’ll be able to appreciate a lazy day that much more.

For those of you whom would still enjoy procrastinating (it’s ok… it’s early in the semester), relive the famous infamous 8:27 procrastination project. Procrastinate here (aren’t animals amazing),  here and here.  Haven’t procrastinated enough? Here is the full list.

1.  The best of 5 Second Films. The rules? “2 seconds of beginning titles, 5 seconds of film, 1 second of end titles.” Highly suggested you watch the whole thing, but Late for Work, Wingman, and, of course, 1-900-Bro-Talk are all good ones. But seriously–just watch the whole thing:

2. After a Tuberculosis diagnosis resulted in a 55-day (and counting) quarantine  in a hospital room, Christian Van Vuuren made a video. Likely a reflection of his prolonged isolation, it’s charmingly quirky:

Calling himself the “Fully Sick Rapper,”  he has put out more more videos.  He also has a YouTube Channel and a Twitter page.

You might have seen these, but if not…

PANDA Escape: In this video, you can see that pandas are pretty smart–and fast. Who knew a Panda could move so quickly? (Skip to this point to see the escape)

Funny or Die’s Presidential Reunion: Featuring some of the greatest celebrity comedians of the our generation, several ex-presidents visit President Obama.

It could be that great comedians typically experience socially awkward, traumatic, and/or insecure childhoods, learn to use humor as a survival skill/coping mechanism/social currency, and ultimately become quick witted, self-deprecating, and — most importantly — funny people. More likely than not, that person is the mousy brunette girl rather than the blonde bombshell. On the other hand, that could be complete bullshit. Either way, when it comes to comedy — a notoriously hard genre for any woman to break into successfully — general precedent seems to indicate that brunettes bring the laughs harder/better/faster than blondes do. And this is relevant why? All of my random and rambling speculation brings us to the general theme of tonight’s 8:27 — exclusively blonde comedy. Procrastinate freely and decide for yourselves.

1. Molly Sims Acting Reel
   You may only recognize Molly Sims from the pages of the SI Swimsuit issue or as that one hot chick from the Jizz in My Pants video. Because of her smoking bod, her considerable acting chops are often overlooked. For example, I doubt you were aware of the fact that she won her first Academy Award at the tender age of 6 for playing Ava Gardner in — Oh wait… what?… I apologize, apparently that last bit never happened. She was, however, one of the main characters in the ensemble cast of the NBC casino dramady Las Vegas. It’s syndicated on TNT! Point is, the woman can act and she wants to prove it to you in this Funny or Die short. She just may be the greatest supermodel turned actress ever, excluding of course Tyra Banks and her movingly candid breakout performance.
2. Chelsea Lately
   Stand-up comedian, best-selling author, and full-time blonde Chelsea Handler is definitely hilarious, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity (her show is on the E! network). If reading texts from last night in Poppa lab isn’t satisfying your desire to avoid work, I suggest you try taking your procrastination to the next level – off-campus. Handler’s late night talk show Chelsea Lately is filmed in front of a studio audience Monday through Thursday just a short drive away in L.A. If you want to attend a taping, tickets are free and readily available here. Advance warning: the audience is on-camera, so make sure to get your hurr did and don’t forget to smize.
   Hilarious as per usual, Chelsea sits down for an interview with T.I. before he begins his jail sentence. Soon to be a felon and Chelsea still shamelessly hits on the man — much respect, Handler. COUGAR PRIDE.

   
   In this skit, Handler goes to a fertility clinic to donate her eggs — though they are probably not even viable after being soaked in grain alcohol for the better part of that booze cruise.

3. Dumb Blonde Moments
   One of the most universal stereotypes about  fair-haired females has inspired “The Man” to compile this list of the Top Ten Funniest Dumb Blonde Moments in TV history . They’ve got a rep for being stupid, they can’t shake it, and the people on this list don’t help their cause any. I realize that this may not technically count as blondes being funny, because the hilarity is unintentional and all. Either way, they made me laugh, so count it in their favor (cause I’m sure you are diligently keeping score). Below is my personal favorite selection, featuring American Idol alum Kellie Pickler. The girl is proof that all you need to be successful is Simon Cowell and fabulous highlights, right Ryan Seacrest?

4. Carrie Prejean’s Sex Tape
   Funny or Die.com surfaces yet again with a mock version of ex-Miss America ’09 Carrie Prejean’s sex tape. Judging the winner of this entry presents a quandary: while the real Carrie Prejean is definitely not a funny blonde, I can’t tell whether the fake Carrie Prejean is a brunette under that blonde wig, let alone whether or not she is funny. I’m going to assume she is on the side of the blondes, mainly due to the unfortunate Perez Hilton cameo at the end (Evidence: he is chronically un-funny, he’s named after Paris Hilton, he hangs out with a hair bleach addict named Lady Gaga.)

5. Sell the Vatican, Feed the World
   In the spirit of equality, here is a brunette comedienne to round the list out. Sarah Silverman’s risque style — peppered with racism, sexism, sacrilege, and deviant sexual language — is reviled by some and praised by others. That doesn’t really matter in this case though, because what’s not to love about ending world hunger? I honestly don’t know why someone didn’t think of cashing in the Vatican before, it is just sitting there. What I do know is that Sarah needs to write a grievance letter to the Norwegians, because Barack effing robbed her of that Nobel Peace Prize.

As far as the blonde vs. brunette debate goes, I call the score even and the question moot… because I feel like it would really suck to have Hilary Clinton pissed at me.

1. The Fresh Prince of Brooklyn
   NY-based three piece Pearl and The Beard created this medley of classic Will Smith songs. They make impressively good use of a single drum, xylophone, and cello — give it a listen:
2. Killa Thrilla in Manila
   OK, we get it, Micheal Jackson is dead and errybody is on his jock all the sudden. This song has been covered by many different artists, especially in the wake of his fake death (I swear he’s pulling a Tupac). While this is not my absolute favorite cover — see Ben Gibbard or Imogen Heap — the xylophone is a nice touch and it is a very well-done video song (amalgam of individual video clips edited and spliced to make a full song). My only qualm is the creepy death stare of the lead singer, who I am pretty sure I saw working at the Motley the other day.
   
3. Whatever You Like (no, not the adorable election version)
   Oh snap, T.I.’s in jail? No sweat, Anya Marina’s got it covered. Recently featured on Gossip Girl, Anya Marina has been performing this cover for a while, but had yet to release a music video until now. The video, shot by Nylon magazine, lives up the the raunchy chorus — it’s set in a store for erotic wares, wink wink. Weeds fans may recognize a cameo from Agrestic’s own Andy Botwin.
   
4. It’s pronounced “Chaos”
   Indie kids are definitely not the only ones mixing styles, so to balance out the post a bit, here is “I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman” by K-os. I know this song is a sample rather than a straight cover,  but he is a personal favorite of mine and the song title is great and I do what I want.  The song samples the now classic O.C. theme song by Phantom Planet, “California.” Pretty much, K-os looks like a broke ass Will. I. AM and I love it:

1. Tool solidarity–Are d-bags just a misunderstood demographic? They seem to think so. Maybe we need to stop judging and start listening, people. (warning: make sure to listen extra hard, they may be difficult to hear over the Andre Nickatina and slurred chants of “take off your top.”)
We Are Douchebags – watch more funny videos
2. Garfunkel and Oates– What’s that smell? Axe Body Spray and Desperation? According to this comedy group/band, your party has most likely taken a turn for the douche. It may look like a another lame video of two girls rapping on a couch, but listen to the lyrics and you’ll find hilarious one-liners and a fairly accurate summary of  S.D.O.P. (Standard Douchebag Operating Procedure).
3. Brohemian Rhapsody– You have probably seen this classic College Humor remake by now, but if not, then enjoy peons. This is probably more along the lines of the CMC- type douchebag than the previous submissions, as we tend towards Bro’s and Chiefs rather than collar popping Tools and Ed Hardy addicts. Freddie Mercury would be proud. (I admit, that’s a stretch.)

Kanye has apparently abandoned music all together – what with his Louis Vuitton stuntin’, brand new clothing line, and other fashion pursuits. Now he stars in a short film directed by Mr. Wild Thing himself, Spike Jonze. The video features Kanye acting a fool in a nightclub, essentially playing an over the top version of his tabloid persona – Drunkye West. This is not the first time that Kanye has poked fun at himself for his public antics, but this portrayal is decidedly darker than his 4 minute SNL appearance. I don’t know whether I personally like the mini-film or not, but it’s definitely worth viewing if only to watch Kanye West hemorrhage pink flower petals (no joke).

Here is his SNL performance, just for kicks and giggs:

Airhorns have long been a staple of the merry prankster, but this simple twist on a classic trick is pretty hilarious. That being said, if anyone tries to pull this on me, I will hurt you. I will go Beatrix Kiddo on your ass all day long. Bring it on again.

Normally, I steer clear of John Cusak movies post-High Fidelity. But, Roland Emmirch, you have outdone yourself sir. Here is a five minute clip of Los Angeles taking it hard from Mother Nature in the upcoming film, 2012.

I mean, it would be unfortunate if this happened. On the other hand, how sick would Disneyland be underwater?

I am speechless. This motorcyclist’s driving is so reckless, its not even reckless anymore — its just admirable.

I know 95% of the 3-5 people who read 8:27 will resent me for posting this, considering how overexposed Twilight is. On the bright side, I don’t give a shit…so, that’s good, I guess. This spoof, from the show G4 that I’m sure about two of you have heard of, nails exactly why Twilight is so goddamn irritating — Bella “Emo Face” Swan.

Here is the scene G4 is spoofing, for those of you who have actual things to do with your time besides watching pre-teen vampire porn.