Patty cake, patty cake, microwave

By Wyatt MacKenzie | May 13, 2009 at 10:00 am | Humor | 16 comments | |

I love rap.  I love reading about rap on the internet.  Yesterday I found snacksandshit.com.  If you’re too lazy to click that link, it’s a blog that posts and analyzes the worst lines in rap.  It inspired me, so I put together a few favorites I heard come on today.  Feel free to post your own in the comments (or to call me a liberal-fascist mass murderer, whichever).  Anyway, here goes:

“Other rappers are damn jokers.  They be givin’ the people comedy. But the Tech N9na misery shit is Bram Stoker.” —Tech N9ne, Midwest Choppers 2

If the only thing you can rhyme with “joker” is “Stoker” maybe you should pick a different word to begin with.  Filed under: Bizarre and unnecessary literary reference.

“I’m dustin’ niggaz off cuz I’m hot like sauce.” —Method Man, Protect Ya Neck

First of all I just don’t see the connection.  Unless he’s in a gay club I can’t really imagine Meth’s hotness having any correlation with a need to “brush off niggaz.”  Secondly, “hot like sauce.” Really? Could a simile get any worse?  Filed under: Kinda gay, Too basic, Try harder

“Get into his ass cause I ain’t opposed. I’m a living anal probe”—Royce Da 5’9”, Slaughterhouse

This isn’t threatening. It’s just gay.  Really, really, really gay.  Filed under: Kinda Really gay

“Patty cake, patty cake, microwave. Suckers make a square. Goddamn I’m paid.” —Young Jeezy, And Then What

What?  Filed under:  What?

“Curly?! They call you woodface.” —Rick Ross

Sure he just busted this out in an interview but whatever.  If anyone has any idea why Officer Ricky decided to nickname 50 “woodface” please tell me.  Filed under: Dumbest nickname ever

“I’m using rubbers so they won’t trace the semen. The black demon, got the little hookers screamin’.” —Notorious B.I.G., Dead Wrong

Any rapper can claim to be a drug dealer.  Only Biggie claims to be a serial rapist.  Filed under: Just plain scary, Terrible to women

“Man I ate eight clips with eight chicks. Watching eight flicks.” —Ludacris, 1st & 10

Ludacris is the ultimate multitasker.  I dunno what he is trying to say he’s doing to be honest but he sure is doing a lot of it.  Filed under:  Doing too many things at once

“Thirty-eight revolve like the sun round the Earth.” —Jay-Z, It’s Hot

Jay-Z taking us back to the 15th century.  Filed under: Did not graduate from kindergarten