Airport Delay a Gift from God

Humor by Craig DePriester — January 8, 2010 at 4:26 pm | 10 comments | | Print

Editor’s Note:  Please enjoy this dose of satire by CMC alum and fervent atheist Craig DePriester ’07, inspired by a ski trip ruined by travel delays. May you all have blessed travels back to CMC. [Updated 1/8/10 8:26pm]

Brad Johnston, struck by a sudden revelation, realized that this was the way that the Lord intended it to be. Johnston, who foolishly had believed that the plan was for his plane to arrive on time for him to catch his connection and start his three-day weekend skiing in the Rockies, became aware that destiny had other arrangements. He started the day with Delta’s flight plan and ended up with the Lord’s itinerary instead.

“I never realized or appreciate that everything DOES happen for a reason and the Lord works in mysterious ways,” Johnston remarked. “But once I figured it out, the signs were everywhere.” As Johnston walked off his plane, which arrived nearly two hours late because the first mate was unable to make it to the airport in time, he was initially disgusted and angry. He talked to the airline workers assigned to find him a hotel room for the night, silently cursing the pilot who had brought him here and delayed him from spending time with his family.

“I’m sure glad I held my tongue, because right after I left the counter, that’s when the magic happened,” Johnston beamed. As he walked towards the baggage claim, he decided to stop in the bathroom, an experience he vows never to forget. “I was minding my own business,” Johnston describes, “when I saw the Virgin Mary’s outline in the stray paper towels scattered around an overflowing trash bin.” Johnston added that the image also had a halo formed by a stray urinal cake and the sight completely turned around his night, maybe his life.

“I really think that God’s will brought me here and to Salt Lake City in particular,” Johnston noted. Salt Lake City, with its infamous restrictions on alcohol and famous lack of anything actually fun to do, is the city of the chosen people and offers very few tourist stops outside of Mormon temples and historical sites. “What else was I going to do other than check out this God stuff?” Johnston chuckled.

Unsure if he was going to be able to secure a flight the next day, Johnston wouldn’t be upset if he got to stick around a little longer. Johnston doesn’t even know if he’d take a seat if he’s offered by another passenger. “Before, all I could think of was being through all this travel stuff and arriving at our vacation house,” Johnston said. “But I realized that God made that pilot late for work so that I could see his divine plan. The journey really is the destination in this crazy life of ours, who cares if the journey takes an unnecessarily long time? Plus, the hotel room they put me up in is really nice for a airport hotel.”

Johnston hopes that his new found relationship with the Lord doesn’t end here. “It’d be really cool if God would stick around,” Johnston ponders. “The next time I’m in an insanely long line at the bank, watching senseless acts of violence and destruction on the news, or stuck in rush hour traffic, I’ll know that I’m just acting out part of God’s plan and play my role with a smile on my face.” To Johnston, traffic is no longer an inconvenience, but some kind of cosmic ballet eloquently orchestrated from up above.

In the end, Johnston can only smile and know that it was all worthwhile. “All these years, I had no idea what God was or what role he played in my life,” he somberly considers. “But now, I’m just thrilled to be a part of it all and I’m glad God is focusing on this kind of stuff and not remedying horrible injustices or stopping evil atrocities from occurring in other parts of the globe.” For one traveler, the Lord’s ways aren’t so mysterious anymore.