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Space Robots Play with Megan Fox
I’ll make no excuses on Michael Bay’s behalf. Revenge of the Fallen is a loud, flashy, juvenile, crude, and dumb two hour car commercial. From the rate of camera angle changes, the film looks as though it were edited by a coked out thirteen year old with ADHD and early onset sex addiction. Meanwhile, said thirteen year old’s little brother assembled the score on Garage Band by dragging every loop and sound effect onto a three second interval and then turning the volume up.
That being said, I have to admit, I sincerely enjoyed the film. I’ll try and explain why in a bit. The sequel picks up where its predecessor left off. Our bumbling yet humorous friend LaBeouf must find enough charm for us to tolerate two hours of him running from (and being rescued by) giant robots. Meanwhile, his “Foxy” co-star must simply attempt to make her lips look as large and pouty as possible while attempting to find the most absurd erotic pose possible.
I can just imagine the conversations they were having on set:
Michael Bay: Ok, so I’m going to need you to paint this motorcycle.
Megan Fox: Alright, so I’ll just kneel down beside it and start painting?
Michael Bay: Nah, Nah. I need you to straddle the bike and put your butt in the air so we can see up your skirt a little. But make sure you are also showing plenty of cleavage. And don’t forget, I want you to put this phallic paint brush right next to your open mouth. Perfect.
Not much else really needs to be said about the plot of the movie. It really isn’t important. Thousands of people are gratuitously killed. Lots of robots fight. All of this is occasionally rationalized through brief interludes meant to give us rest between Optimus Prime beheading some four hundred foot tall Bulldozer-bot and shots of Megan Fox’s chest.
And I was satisfied with this. I expected to see a gratuitous action film filled with shitty American cars and an alarming glorification of the military-industrial complex and that is exactly what I got. The film accomplished what any good dumb Hollywood blockbuster should: when I left the theater, I wanted to go buy a Camaro and a gun and cause some trouble.
My only real complain was that the film, a one hundred and forty seven minute affair somehow managed to make me say, “I’m tired of watching Megan Fox roll around while space robots obliterate the earth.” And that is quite a feet. I really like space robots and Megan Fox. Of course, in Bay’s defense, the film would only actually be about one hundred and ten minutes if you played all the slow motion parts at normal speed.
I realize that I’ve done nothing but criticize Fallen and yet I say I enjoyed it. But it’s true. Regardless of its shallow shortcomings, it was entertaining. And thought it may have gone on a bit too long, Bay and crew put on a wild show. Best of all, the film didn’t try to be anything it wasn’t. It made its dog sex jokes where it could and spared no explosion. Six dollars well spent.
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Carl Peaslee
Carl Peaslee, Editor-in-Chief, is a Senior at CMC where he is majoring in Literature. He likes to sit at his big fancy desk, edit articles, smoke cigars, and yell at his staff to get him more pictures of Spiderman.
Recent
10 Comments
2009-06-26
14:41:26
Carl you've got me excited. I haven't seen this yet, but the original Transformers is a secret love of mine. I don't know if Michael Bay realizes this, but he's a genius. Pure and simple. I mean the way he takes America's love of excess to a whole other level is just amazing. The land of hyperreality indeed: "(Random jock to Shia La Beoff) What do you not like varsity sports?"
2009-06-26
15:19:11
Yeah, I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoyed watching Transformers, and I'll probably watch the new one tonight. A "loud, flashy, juvenile, crude, and dumb two hour car commercial" sounds good after a work week.
2009-06-26
21:29:08
After leaving the theater I couldn't help but notice the negative portrayal of the two robots "Skids" and "Mudflap". Most see the two as caricatures of African-Americans. I know Carl didn't originally intend this article to bring up race, but I was curious if anyone from the CMC community felt offended or concerned about the depiction of these two characters. I personally thought the movie went a bit over the top with the negative depiction of the "jive talking" bots.
Here's a link to the article concerning race and T2:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/24/transformers-jivetalking-_n_220005.html
Also... Megan Fox. Super sexy. Bangin Hot Bod. Honestly though... It was a little bit too much. I thought that the film was trying too hard to sell her body. It's a summer movie... I guess I should take a chill pill. I realize that. I just expected more from a film that was so highly anticipated and praised by audiences. Please people... let's try and have a little class.
I think the best and the most gifted American filmmakers can create a flick that
1) Has a plot line
2) Can blow up shit without offending any racial group
3) Doesn't depict women strictly as sex objects
I hope I'm not asking too much,
Concerned Moviewatcher
2009-06-27
01:15:19
I agree with everything you said except for the association you made between 'most gifted American filmmakers' and Michael Bay. And yeah, the film has a few nice little bits of racism, sexism, and homophobia. I probably could have mentioned that too.
Another fun note I didn't include in my review:
One interesting thing to do while watching, just think about the genders of each of the characters you are watching. As far as I could tell, there was only one remotely female (non-temptress decepticon-bot) robot. I'm referring to the pink motorcycle transformer who gets one sentence towards the end of the movie. Around 90 minute I actually began developing this theory about transformer sexuality. I suspect that they are likely a largely gay or a-sexual species. It made the film a bit more entertaining for me.
2009-07-07
00:32:06
Before Revenge of the Fallen came out, I would have said "Carl, of course they are asexual. They are robots, after all!" But after seeing the gargantuan, swinging wrecking ball testicles of the Devastator, I am not so sure.
2009-06-27
23:29:28
Blacks should be mad that Mudflap and Skids were a Chevrolet Trax and Beat. I'd take Jar Jar or the Trade Federation as my racial stereotype over that any day.
2009-06-29
23:50:20
Matrix of leadership = leadership sequence? You grab onto it to realize there's nothing there. But you believe, really believe, you didn't just waste all that time.
2009-06-30
09:28:15
Remember the scene where Shia "died" for a moment and heard the wisdom of the Primes? I feel that a majority of our Gov department must have had a similar experience with the founders.
2009-07-09
15:23:54
I'm satisfied just because of the very last minute of the movie.
2009-07-10
09:53:33
Otherwise you hate America.