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Dear A Mitch,

I’m being haunted by the hookup from hell. At the beginning of last year I hooked up with a guy I thought I liked. Turns out he totally “New York’d” me. Now there’s a rumor going around that I got an STI from him. The truth is I never slept with him and I don’t have an STI, although he did give me a lesson in how guys can’t think with both heads at the same time. How do I stop this rumor?

Pattie Cake,

Sometimes rumors are blessings in disguise. Take, for example, Harvey Mudd students. Most had a bad rumor made up about them in middle school that completely debilitated their social life and propelled them to eat Fritos and root beer for lunch in the science lab. That sounds pretty lame until ten years from now when they perfect nuclear fusion on earth and are forever known as those Frito-eating geniuses. If I were you I would grab that STI and run like the wind. You’re getting into Harvard Grad.

If you really can’t stand having guys avoid you like the Home section at Collins, there are a couple of things you can do. If you want it to be easy, just scan your STI test results and make copies for the gossip hounds. Hand it to them and say, “I actually don’t have [insert slandered STI].” Granted, they’ll have your blood counts and hormone levels to Photoshop, possibly turning you into an AIDS-infected hermaphrodite on paper.

You don’t like either of these suggestions, do you? Me neither. So maybe just talk to him. You’re furious right? No doubt, but I don’t think screaming insults will help. Find him alone and calmly tell him how much his lies hurt you. I know I sound like your mom in grade school when she was like, “Well tell Sarah it hurts your feelings when she calls you stupid.” And you said, “I know,” but in your head you were like there is no fucking way I am saying that. Well, you’re older now, and often genuinely informing someone how damaging their words are is far more powerful than yelling, cussing, and creating rumors about how their penis competes with your index finger in length. You don’t want to turn this into a game of tennis against a brick wall, or, rather relevantly, refuting anything Charles Johnson has to say.

Realistically, there is something to be said for the strength of a person who has the self-esteem to let a rumor run its course. You know the truth and hopefully your friends do too – why let him cut you even deeper by dwelling on this falsity?

A Mitch

Dear A Mitch,

Why are the guys at CMC douchebags?

Miss Descriptive,

In the same way Pomona boys are all pretentious, Mudders all hopelessly nerdy, and Scrippsies all scissoring humanitarians, CMC guys are just dicks. Please clump us together as a huge whale douche (the ocean?). Look, there are plenty of d bags at the 5C’s, and if we did a 5C statistical survey, I wouldn’t be surprised if CMC guys ranked first in douchebaggery. I do sometimes wonder as well – you aren’t the first person to have reoccurring issues with CMCers. If I am going to hypothesize as to why so many people think Stag=douchebag, I would need to organize my thoughts. Numbers will help. And then transition sentences are not necessary. Timesavas!

douchebag 1. About thirty percent of CMC  students are athletes.  This means there’s a bevy of bros who not only have a stunning physique, but have likely been popular studs for most of their lives; they are the yeast in baking success with women (in high school at least). Athletes are not inherently douches by any means – they are simply more susceptible to the status. It is easier to disregard the feelings of another when there’s always going to be someone giving a shit about how damn good you look in crimson and gold.

2. Claremont McKenna teeters on the title of liberal arts college. This is a school popular for economics, business, and finance. We have more econ majors than Jay-Z has problems, okay, actually way more. Now this might be a leap, but I imagine the kid who wants to go to school for four years and have a $60,000± investment firm salary when they graduate is the type that prefers immediate gratification. Which translates to: Gettin’ mine tonight. Or, my deeper thoughts concerning how my actions might affect people are subordinate to my drive to be successful. But then you meet Moose Halpern and everything I just said sounds outlandish.

3. Where you are meeting these guys? TNC right? T – Thursday N – Night C – CLUB. Rasmussen’s latest poll shows that clubs are for womanizers. And menizers. Especially party clubs, where a large proportion of individuals are willing to play smoochikins at the end of the night. Are you getting my drift? If you are looking for someone who you can really connect with, maybe try developing friendships outside of the party scene. If you were to walk by the basketball suite on a Saturday night, you would probably hate all of us. But have a midday chat with Seth Winterroth and you might fall in love. Drunken debauchery is misrepresentative of who people are, and while it does define a small facet of a person, the larger fraction is more visible during Sunday’s coffee conversations, Tuesday night’s psych seminar, and green beach bathing in November.

So don’t stereotype us like I have in this response. You only know what you experience –alter the environment in which your judgments occur.

A Mitch

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48 COMMENTS

  1. Whatever happened to Amitch’s interview with Charles (C.) Johnson?? I know I’d like to hear where doughbags fit in Charles’s fantasy republican paradise of tomorrow…

  2. Whatever happened to Amitch’s interview with Charles (C.) Johnson?? I know I’d like to hear where doughbags fit in Charles’s fantasy republican paradise of tomorrow…

  3. The stereotype of CMC guys is that we’re all douche bags, that all we’re out for is uss, that we don’t give a f**k about the smart, intellectual women around us thursday to sunday….the real question is, why do CMC females let us get away with it?

    It’s a complete perpetration of the stereotype. We go out, looking for a good time. Girls go out after taking shots in their rooms for an hour, hammered, a lot of the time blacked out…isn’t that worse? going out with the intention of not remembering anything is about as low as you go, but then after you wake up next to him in the morning, he’s the douche?

    I think the real question here is, why are CMC girls such sluts?

    • I agree with B.A.G.S. that womanizing doesn’t necessarily equal douchebaggery, but this sexist attitude totally does. Yes, some girls go out for casual sex like guys do. How does that matter? I didn’t know my entire gender was responsible for your reputation. My gender didn’t make you post this misogynistic comment or inappropriately use ellipses in a stupid blog response.

      P.S.Stats show that CMC men are the biggest sluts around so f*ck off.

      • CMC girl, you have NO data you can use relevantly in those statistics–first off, there’s no WOMEN in that for comparison….and with such a huge standard deviation? Go take stats, preez.

      • I don’t know man, 30% of CMC sampled? That’s a pretty large sample size. I think that the one tail t test that guys are sluttier than girls at CMC is statistically significant at the 2.5% level.

      • Oh scratch that I shouldn’t have done a t test I should have done a z test. My bad, Brian. It’s probably not statistically significant if the standard deviation for the girls is as high as it was for the boys.

  4. The stereotype of CMC guys is that we’re all douche bags, that all we’re out for is uss, that we don’t give a f**k about the smart, intellectual women around us thursday to sunday….the real question is, why do CMC females let us get away with it?

    It’s a complete perpetration of the stereotype. We go out, looking for a good time. Girls go out after taking shots in their rooms for an hour, hammered, a lot of the time blacked out…isn’t that worse? going out with the intention of not remembering anything is about as low as you go, but then after you wake up next to him in the morning, he’s the douche?

    I think the real question here is, why are CMC girls such sluts?

    • I agree with B.A.G.S. that womanizing doesn’t necessarily equal douchebaggery, but this sexist attitude totally does. Yes, some girls go out for casual sex like guys do. How does that matter? I didn’t know my entire gender was responsible for your reputation. My gender didn’t make you post this misogynistic comment or inappropriately use ellipses in a stupid blog response.

      P.S.Stats show that CMC men are the biggest sluts around so f*ck off.

      • CMC girl, you have NO data you can use relevantly in those statistics–first off, there’s no WOMEN in that for comparison….and with such a huge standard deviation? Go take stats, preez.

      • I don’t know man, 30% of CMC sampled? That’s a pretty large sample size. I think that the one tail t test that guys are sluttier than girls at CMC is statistically significant at the 2.5% level.

      • Oh scratch that I shouldn’t have done a t test I should have done a z test. My bad, Brian. It’s probably not statistically significant if the standard deviation for the girls is as high as it was for the boys.

  5. Alright, there’s a problem on both sides. If guys considered it a big problem, they would change something. If girls were serious (and of course this is very generalized, etc.) something would also have to change on that side. The point is, people who are satisfied with hooking up are hooking up and are going to continue to do this.

    The problem is that people who are not satisfied with hooking up feel this is the only way to make a connection and ARE STILL hooking up. If your objective changes, you still need to change your strategy accordingly.

  6. Alright, there’s a problem on both sides. If guys considered it a big problem, they would change something. If girls were serious (and of course this is very generalized, etc.) something would also have to change on that side. The point is, people who are satisfied with hooking up are hooking up and are going to continue to do this.

    The problem is that people who are not satisfied with hooking up feel this is the only way to make a connection and ARE STILL hooking up. If your objective changes, you still need to change your strategy accordingly.

  7. I feel as though the point has been missed slightly. Douchebag does not necessarily mean a huge womanizer. I think we need to consider a man who hooks up on the first night with a girl but treats the girl respectfully and tenderly. He may giver her the best sex she has ever had. Is he a douchebag? I am willing to say no. If she enjoyed it, he can be no more than a wonderful lover. Shit, maybe she will come back next weekend.
    Douchebag falls under the realm of a guy who makes himself look like a fool in multiple ways. This may include treating women poorly or manipulatively. He can also just piss a lot of people off and be considered a douche bag.
    The generalization of CMC men as douches is a big harsh I would say.

  8. I feel as though the point has been missed slightly. Douchebag does not necessarily mean a huge womanizer. I think we need to consider a man who hooks up on the first night with a girl but treats the girl respectfully and tenderly. He may giver her the best sex she has ever had. Is he a douchebag? I am willing to say no. If she enjoyed it, he can be no more than a wonderful lover. Shit, maybe she will come back next weekend.
    Douchebag falls under the realm of a guy who makes himself look like a fool in multiple ways. This may include treating women poorly or manipulatively. He can also just piss a lot of people off and be considered a douche bag.
    The generalization of CMC men as douches is a big harsh I would say.

  9. I want to know is an idiot. Why should the women of CMC not want to engage in consensul sex? Having sex on the first night doesn’t stop you from having a relationship. Alot of society’s values concerning sex are antiquated, carry-overs from a time before birth control and codoms. By calling girls sluts your only making it harder on yourself…

    • Though, to play the Devil’s advocate, Spencer, can you REALLY say that modern times are better? With different values in society today, it looks like finding that significant other/one that makes you happy really turns out well for most people…NOT.

  10. I want to know is an idiot. Why should the women of CMC not want to engage in consensul sex? Having sex on the first night doesn’t stop you from having a relationship. Alot of society’s values concerning sex are antiquated, carry-overs from a time before birth control and codoms. By calling girls sluts your only making it harder on yourself…

    • Though, to play the Devil’s advocate, Spencer, can you REALLY say that modern times are better? With different values in society today, it looks like finding that significant other/one that makes you happy really turns out well for most people…NOT.

  11. Douchebaggery is the direct result of an inflated sense of self. Every douchey moment I have ever had was because of too much ego. I feel like this holds true for the behavioral tendencies of most people.

    The self-centered, I’m “gettin mine” way of thinking is absolutely the problem. Guys that consistently go out with the sole focus of making their dicks happy and no consideration of the lady’s feelings are in fact douchebags. But, as BAGS pointed out, it is not the sex that makes them a douchebag. Rather, it is the lack of respect and manipulative way these guys treat the ladies that defines them as huge chiefs. Unless I am mistaken it takes two to do the deed and if a guy gets the douchbag rep he is going to be rockin it solo until he can identify the flaw in his thinking.

    The reference to Moose is on point. The dude is one of the most gracious and selfless people I know. No doubt he gets his lovin’ on, but I have never heard an ill word spoken of him. Miss Descriptive, I guarantee he will change your opinion of CMC fellas.

    Amitch, I may be a little biased, but you are bees knees and the cats pajamas combined into one. “The way you utilize the pen and turn ink to gold,” makes my heart flutter.

  12. Douchebaggery is the direct result of an inflated sense of self. Every douchey moment I have ever had was because of too much ego. I feel like this holds true for the behavioral tendencies of most people.

    The self-centered, I’m “gettin mine” way of thinking is absolutely the problem. Guys that consistently go out with the sole focus of making their dicks happy and no consideration of the lady’s feelings are in fact douchebags. But, as BAGS pointed out, it is not the sex that makes them a douchebag. Rather, it is the lack of respect and manipulative way these guys treat the ladies that defines them as huge chiefs. Unless I am mistaken it takes two to do the deed and if a guy gets the douchbag rep he is going to be rockin it solo until he can identify the flaw in his thinking.

    The reference to Moose is on point. The dude is one of the most gracious and selfless people I know. No doubt he gets his lovin’ on, but I have never heard an ill word spoken of him. Miss Descriptive, I guarantee he will change your opinion of CMC fellas.

    Amitch, I may be a little biased, but you are bees knees and the cats pajamas combined into one. “The way you utilize the pen and turn ink to gold,” makes my heart flutter.

  13. This whole “douchebag” situation is being unfairly placed on the shoulders of the male residents of CMC.

    In many cases girls make the walk from TNC to dorm room feigning their emotional detachment from the romp in the sheets that they are about to partake in. They offer up the appearance that they are approaching sex from the same perspective as the guys, but they are lying.

    They next day when the guy they got with doesn’t share the same attachment to the night before he is automatically labeled a douchebag.

    He made his intentions clear and he thought she was on the same page, but because of her mind games he is now the victim of the douchebag label. Bullshit.

    Figure your shit out ladies.

  14. This whole “douchebag” situation is being unfairly placed on the shoulders of the male residents of CMC.

    In many cases girls make the walk from TNC to dorm room feigning their emotional detachment from the romp in the sheets that they are about to partake in. They offer up the appearance that they are approaching sex from the same perspective as the guys, but they are lying.

    They next day when the guy they got with doesn’t share the same attachment to the night before he is automatically labeled a douchebag.

    He made his intentions clear and he thought she was on the same page, but because of her mind games he is now the victim of the douchebag label. Bullshit.

    Figure your shit out ladies.

  15. A-
    you are truly amazing. Your lyrical genius is fly, as well as your sense of humor and sensitive soul. Please, will you be my baby daddy?

  16. A-
    you are truly amazing. Your lyrical genius is fly, as well as your sense of humor and sensitive soul. Please, will you be my baby daddy?

  17. I think it is because CMC was formerly an all mens college. The place is like one giant frat.

    Frat boys treat women shittily, the frat culture has continued to dominate CMC for the last 30 years even since the addition of women.

    CMC is a terrible place to go as a woman. They are devalued and under respected just like at a frat.

    At least the Scrippsies that hang out at CMC are the same that would go to frat parties (the ones who wouldn’t stay at Scripps). The CMC girls have no choice but to be frat party girls, because they probably didn’t realize that’s how it would be when they decided to go to CMC.

    • CMC parties are the opposite of frat parties. First of all, we go to a school the size of a teaspoon. This means that if a guy is really a jerk, at least one of your friends will know about it and tell you. Second, there are several incredibly strong women who attend CMC. The statement that it’s a terrible place to go is an insult – most of us knew what the school was like. And most of us were smart enough to realize what aspects we wanted to engage in. Drunk people at every college can be perceived as douches. And there are, in fact, drunk people at most colleges in the United States. CMC is not he only school with alcohol. There are also sober people at CMC. They’re not always sober, but when they are, they can be pretty amazing. So maybe try to know them before reverting to a pathetic, overplayed generalization.

  18. I think it is because CMC was formerly an all mens college. The place is like one giant frat.

    Frat boys treat women shittily, the frat culture has continued to dominate CMC for the last 30 years even since the addition of women.

    CMC is a terrible place to go as a woman. They are devalued and under respected just like at a frat.

    At least the Scrippsies that hang out at CMC are the same that would go to frat parties (the ones who wouldn’t stay at Scripps). The CMC girls have no choice but to be frat party girls, because they probably didn’t realize that’s how it would be when they decided to go to CMC.

    • CMC parties are the opposite of frat parties. First of all, we go to a school the size of a teaspoon. This means that if a guy is really a jerk, at least one of your friends will know about it and tell you. Second, there are several incredibly strong women who attend CMC. The statement that it’s a terrible place to go is an insult – most of us knew what the school was like. And most of us were smart enough to realize what aspects we wanted to engage in. Drunk people at every college can be perceived as douches. And there are, in fact, drunk people at most colleges in the United States. CMC is not he only school with alcohol. There are also sober people at CMC. They’re not always sober, but when they are, they can be pretty amazing. So maybe try to know them before reverting to a pathetic, overplayed generalization.

  19. “I’m ready when he is, but I plan on video taping it…”

    That’s what she said.

  20. “I’m ready when he is, but I plan on video taping it…”

    That’s what she said.

  21. “about thirty percent of CMC students are athletes. This means there’s a bevy of bros who not only have a stunning physique, but have likely been popular studs for most of their lives; they are the yeast in baking success with women”

    that’s joke right. have you looked at CMC boys lately?

  22. “about thirty percent of CMC students are athletes. This means there’s a bevy of bros who not only have a stunning physique, but have likely been popular studs for most of their lives; they are the yeast in baking success with women”

    that’s joke right. have you looked at CMC boys lately?

  23. ^ Haha at above! Well, the track/swim/polo/basketball teams are good, but yeahhh….that 30% of athletes, you can’t say that all of them have stunning physiques.

    • I don’t follow. Some of the sports teams have better records, and are therefore more likely to have a higher percentage of players with “stunning physiques”?

      I also want to note that different sports call for different builds. A swimmer is not going to look like someone who throws shot, or even a 100m sprinter, for that matter. They’re called to perform different tasks on the track/field/pool. They will likely be born with differing bone structures and predispositions to different body compositions. They will then likely exacerbate these inherent differences further by training and dieting differently. Some sports call for aerobic endurance while others call only for anaerobic bursts; many require both in varying measures. You get the idea: athletes can look quite different from one another because they are called to perform very different tasks. An offensive lineman engaging in physical combat against other large men 60 plays per game is going to have a very different genetic makeup and training program than a cross-country runner. And while there’s some crossover–an athletic basketball player can probably play any sport not involving water, and I’ve seen football players play track, baseball, basketball, and rugby–by the time one arrives at the university level, even DIII, the specialization is far enough along that after a while, a sharp-eyed student can identify an athlete’s sport simply by looking at them
      .
      So I suppose I agree that not all CMC athletes have “stunning physiques”–but there are oftentimes good reasons for it.

  24. ^ Haha at above! Well, the track/swim/polo/basketball teams are good, but yeahhh….that 30% of athletes, you can’t say that all of them have stunning physiques.

    • I don’t follow. Some of the sports teams have better records, and are therefore more likely to have a higher percentage of players with “stunning physiques”?

      I also want to note that different sports call for different builds. A swimmer is not going to look like someone who throws shot, or even a 100m sprinter, for that matter. They’re called to perform different tasks on the track/field/pool. They will likely be born with differing bone structures and predispositions to different body compositions. They will then likely exacerbate these inherent differences further by training and dieting differently. Some sports call for aerobic endurance while others call only for anaerobic bursts; many require both in varying measures. You get the idea: athletes can look quite different from one another because they are called to perform very different tasks. An offensive lineman engaging in physical combat against other large men 60 plays per game is going to have a very different genetic makeup and training program than a cross-country runner. And while there’s some crossover–an athletic basketball player can probably play any sport not involving water, and I’ve seen football players play track, baseball, basketball, and rugby–by the time one arrives at the university level, even DIII, the specialization is far enough along that after a while, a sharp-eyed student can identify an athlete’s sport simply by looking at them
      .
      So I suppose I agree that not all CMC athletes have “stunning physiques”–but there are oftentimes good reasons for it.

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