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I’MMMM BAAAAAACCCKKKKKK! *queue a cool remix of a Drake song*

A little update about my life: I have been SO BUSY working on starting my career as a SoundCloud DJ (just in case I don’t get any real jobs for after I graduate). And it’s really taking off. I already have 10 followers! I can’t wait to be sponsored by FitTea when I become famous.

I have some cool advice for you guys today, so buckle your helmets and join me on the bike ride to peace of mind.

I DIDN’T PASS MY FIRST MIDTERM!!! :(((

I know this seems like the end of the world, but it isn’t. I promise. Here are some steps that could stop you from freaking out: go over your test, go to office hours and talk to your professor about where you could have improved, study more than just the night before the test, realize you did the best you could do for only having studied for three hours on the night before the test, recognize that this isn’t the end of the world (told ya so), move on.

In reality, a bad grade that you got on a test one time will not cause anything bad to happen in your life. It seems to me that everyone here is always striving for A+++s (sorry, there is no such thing!!!). Just continue to try your best. Realize where you could improve. You will still be employable, even if you failed a test or got a C in a class. Also, since we can’t time travel, there is no use in getting hung up on things you can’t change. So why waste the energy you could be using to study!?

I left my Calvin Klein underwear in my hook-up’s room. I want to get it back, but also want to avoid being awkward. What do I do?

This is how I am interpreting your situation: You #hookup in your Calvins because you want your hookups to understand how hip and with it you are. Without your Calvins to support you (lol), your hookups may not **understand the authentic you**. HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU! Your underwear doesn’t define you!! With this in mind, let’s get back to the question.

You should just send a mature text over to your hookup.

Something like this: “Heyyyyyyyy [insert nickname], I left something in ur room. Pls let me know when u can return. Thx”.

Your hookup will respond something like this: “K.”

Congratulations! You’ll get your Calvins back and your reputation will be saved.

[Note: If you are thinking this is still **soooo embarrassing**, just think about how this probably won’t be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you in your life. If it is, we are way different people, and you are way more “cool” than I am.]

The election is stressing me out!!!!!!

This isn’t a question, but here are different comments I found about the election on the internet!

“Is that Alek Baldwin as Trump. Lol” @VinneyCreture (SNLYoutube)

^(***Alec)

“Fly lands on Hillary’s face LOL” @Chazzvc (CBS News – Second Debate on Youtube)

“BREAKING: Kim Kardashian will reveal Trump’s tax returns on her snapchat after the debate” @emmieshouse (Twitter)

“Where is Miranda ?” @PasqualeSchianodiCola (CBS News – Final Debate on Youtube)

^(He meant Melania)

By the way…

********EVERYONE SHOULD VOTE********

Want to learn more about how to become a SoundCloud DJ? Want me to answer more questions about literally anything? Submit your questions to this form.

[Note: The opinions that are reflected in this article do not necessarily reflect those of Maya Guerrant or the Claremont Consortium, blah, blah, blah.]