When choosing a Halloween costume, there is an insurmountable pressure to draw a chuckle, chortle, or “Ooh” from those few who will accompany you on said “epic” night. At CMC, there are a few obvious choices, and just in case some of you haven’t gotten to them yet, I thought it may be useful to provide the average CMCer with a helpful go-to list.
1) The Kube – Get your upperclassman friend to drive you to the nearest Home Depot, ASAP. You’ll need PVC pipes and a lot of Saran wrap to achieve this modern look. The Kube is an icon in architectural design and can only be replicated by those willing to undergo the effort of constructing a PVC “cube.”
2) The SAT score – This costume is easy and simple. Attach a bicycle pump to some tent on your body and keep it inflated throughout the night. If you’re worried that people won’t get the “SAT inflation” joke, don’t be. CMCers are paranoid about these things and will guess at your costume immediately.
3) Variations on “sexy” – We’ve all heard of the sexy police man or sexy immigration worker, but there has never been a “sexy” costume quite so suited to CMC. Try the Sexy Hub Worker. Buy a less-than-knee-length pair of shorts or skirt, and sport a sexy collared shirt, complete with nametag. If you complement your outfit with a disparaged attitude and general frustration with college students, it will be completely recognizable.
4) Pam Gann – This one is a little tough because it requires the purchase of a blonde wig and something like this sweater. Don your best pair of pearls, ladies, and boys will flock by the second. President Gann’s attire never fails to please, and neither will you on this epic night.
5) Dora – I’m sure we all have some anecdote or another with our never-failing Collins attendant, but on this historic night, we will attempt to emulate her very being with a few props. With a sassy attitude, and a “Hello, my name is” nametag, your costume is sure to succeed. Refuse all attempts at sexual advances and require identification of intruders in your space. In a second, you’ll become trusty Dora.
6) Jim Nauls – Guys, this one is easy, and frankly, I’m a bit disappointed that I haven’t seen it yet.
7) Politically unpopular figures – Rick Santorum, Sarah Palin, Ralph Nader; candidates we, as CMCers, would never vote for, but always support, if for nothing else but the pleasure of seeing them on reality TV. The Sarah Palin is a sportingly popular look—you need nothing but a magnificently cheesy smile, a Snooki poof, and a few catchphrases about refrigerator magnets. For those coming straight from the Reading Room, this should be a very simple look.
8) Repeats from TNC – Who says you can’t wear the same thing to Toga and Halloween? Greek goddess and Greek wannabe are essentially the same, after all. And Wild Wild West costumes are extremely appropriate for “Cowboy” and “Cowgirl,” although I can say from experience that only kids from D5 high schools dress that hick.
9) Trustee – Coming from the Ath? Not to worry, just wear your best suit to the head table and emerge ready to party with the best of them. To avoid confusion between your “trustee” costume and some regular finance guy, throw money in the air and tell students you’re establishing their futures.
10) Non-CMCer – Wear anything generally considered “hipster,” “cool,” or “trendy.” We Claremont McKenna students are not to be bothered with these populist terms and will startle at the sight of a new fashion. Your costume will be immediately recognizable within the sea of pink and yellow, so be ready to answer the question, “Um, do you go here?”
If these trusty tips fail to appease, you may choose to consult the local Party City. But through experience and worldly culture I’ve learned that those with the craftiest costumes capture the stagliest ghouls.