Ask Hillary: TNC Meat Market & Strapped for Cash

Dear Hillary, Why are CMCers so averse to relationships? I go to TNC every week and feel like I’m in a meat market. Am I the only person who thinks this way?

Welcome to college! Sad fact of not only CMC but of most the other hundreds of colleges and universities are all experiencing this similar phenomenon that old people call the hook up culture. Yes, TNC can be a bit of a meat market, but that is what college parties are like. If you are looking for a relationship that starts from a Thursday night hook-up then you are destined to fail. I do know plenty of people that are in relationships, and no not just the holdovers from high school, but I’m willing to bet most, if not all of those relationships did not begin at TNC or a similar social gathering. TNC is not really meant for finding a person to spend a lot of time with, it is more about finding someone to spend the night with.

Good news is that there are a good number of good (and also good looking) guys at the 5Cs. Since we are one of the few liberal arts colleges to still have a roughly equal gender ratio there is hope to finding someone special. There are plenty of people that are not relationship averse, and these people are potentially at TNC or other parties, but that’s not really where they might be looking for that special lady. I’m not a relationship guru, but I’d be willing to bet that smaller social gatherings would give you time to get to know someone new.

Dear Hillary, I’m having some problems with my friends. My family has recently gone from a state of sound financial means (I barely needed financial aid) to a really bad state (I’m almost on a full-ride). My friends are all from really wealthy backgrounds, and we tend to go out a lot to LA to shop and eat on the weekends. I want to hang out with them, but I can’t afford it! What should I do?

Sounds like that along with the financial backing of your education your parents are also not able to back your bank account any more, which can be rough I know. Good news is that CMC has great financial aid packages that include federal work study money so you can provide an influx of cash for yourself. Work study is a great resource because it gets you to the front of the line for a lot of on campus jobs. There are so many opportunities to work on campus, that it should be fairly easy for you to find a job, and a well paid one, that can support your more expensive lifestyle: check any of the e-memos that are sent out campus wide, the mailroom, both in the mailroom and postings on the wall, phoneite, the athletic department, the multiple organizations that tutor local kids, or with most professors who are working on a research project. Even if you aren’t receiving work study there are jobs opportunities galore at the 5Cs. Also when you start spending your own money that you know exactly what you had to do in order to get that measly ten dollars you might tend toward being more frugal while out.

There are also ways to incur lesser expenses when out on the town with your friends. At restaurants drink water instead of ordering a drink, there’s three to four dollars at every meal, and if you are off campus as much as you say you are, that can add up quickly. Order half portions or split meals with a friend instead of taking the brunt of a thirty dollar entrée. In order not to be hungry you can pack snacks from the grocery store or even from the dining hall in order to keep your tummy full. Shopping, especially in LA, can be pricey, look for discounts and ask yourself if you are willing to part with your hard earned cash or if you are content enough to share in a friend’s killer find instead of spending your bank account on a single piece of clothing. Also, your friends will understand if beg off for reason of financial hardship, and missing one outing every now and then might make the others more fun. Trust me, it’s not the end of your social life and once you have a steady income you’ll appreciate the time spent with friends as opposed to the money spent on the locale.

man

In regards to the first question: you write from the perspective that only women at the 5C’s are looking for relationships. How do you know the gender of the person asking the question? Your inability to look at both sides is an obvious bias. However, you never answer the question. Simply, you give a broad over view of CMC’s culture, then justify it by saying that all colleges are the same without providing any evidence for this assertion.
man

In regards to the first question: you write from the perspective that only women at the 5C’s are looking for relationships. How do you know the gender of the person asking the question? Your inability to look at both sides is an obvious bias. However, you never answer the question. Simply, you give a broad over view of CMC’s culture, then justify it by saying that all colleges are the same without providing any evidence for this assertion.
simulacric_bro

Dear [State Your Name], I’m having some problems with my friends. My family has recently gone from a state of sound financial means (I barely needed financial aid) to a really bad state (I’m almost on a full-ride). My friends are all from really wealthy backgrounds, and we tend to go out a lot to LA to shop and eat on the weekends. I want to hang out with them, but I can’t afford it ! What should I do?

Dear Newly Poor, there are really two general courses of action you can take, depending on whether you feel comfortable discussing your family’s financial situation with your friends. I’d recommend telling them because it will make things simpler. And if they actually are your friends you should be able to talk to them about things like this. The next time they want to go to LA to shop and eat just tell them that you can’t afford this lifestyle. Try to have a good cheap alternative activity in mind so that it’s not like you’re simply killing the fun.

If you don’t want to tell your friends, you’re going to have to be a bit more Machivellian about things. Try to subtly influence the culture of your friends with shitty little comments about the expensive places or LA. For example, “LA people are such fake nouveau riche people. They’re more tan than person.” This should appeal to your rich friends sense of entitlement and lessen their desire to be around LA people. Later, after they actually suggest go to LA to eat, insult the restaurant whimsically. Keep doing this until they get tired. The trick is to not seem like a tool. Then suggest a cheaper alternative. Of course, if you’re willing to go down this path you’re probably better off picking up new friends to fill in when these guys go wining and dining.
simulacric_bro

Dear [State Your Name], I’m having some problems with my friends. My family has recently gone from a state of sound financial means (I barely needed financial aid) to a really bad state (I’m almost on a full-ride). My friends are all from really wealthy backgrounds, and we tend to go out a lot to LA to shop and eat on the weekends. I want to hang out with them, but I can’t afford it ! What should I do?

Dear Newly Poor, there are really two general courses of action you can take, depending on whether you feel comfortable discussing your family’s financial situation with your friends. I’d recommend telling them because it will make things simpler. And if they actually are your friends you should be able to talk to them about things like this. The next time they want to go to LA to shop and eat just tell them that you can’t afford this lifestyle. Try to have a good cheap alternative activity in mind so that it’s not like you’re simply killing the fun.

If you don’t want to tell your friends, you’re going to have to be a bit more Machivellian about things. Try to subtly influence the culture of your friends with shitty little comments about the expensive places or LA. For example, “LA people are such fake nouveau riche people. They’re more tan than person.” This should appeal to your rich friends sense of entitlement and lessen their desire to be around LA people. Later, after they actually suggest go to LA to eat, insult the restaurant whimsically. Keep doing this until they get tired. The trick is to not seem like a tool. Then suggest a cheaper alternative. Of course, if you’re willing to go down this path you’re probably better off picking up new friends to fill in when these guys go wining and dining.
Hillary

Dear man,

I appreciate your response, but the main reason that I didn’t address the male side of the issue is that first, I am a girl and I don’t know for sure the male side of it, but also I am not writing this column alone. Alex Mitchell is also writing for part of this and he is addressing the male aspect of issues. I do not pretend to know what is going on in guys heads around here, why don’t you enlighten us? Since this was a question from a girl’s point of view, I responded, and you’re free to comment on what you think about it. I’d be curious to hear what you have to say about the issue. So do you think that girls are only looking for hook ups? Have you had bad experiences that lead you to believe that we are less than the girlfriend types?

I do feel that a lot of CMC is like a meat market, but that’s not always a bad thing. It’s fun to flirt and go out with your friends and have a reason to dress up and look hot. Even in that respect I do think that there is a bias against relationships here, and the concept of “dating” like adults does not apply. It’s tough to see where some people draw the line between hooking up and dating because in my opinion girls aren’t always treated with the utmost respect.

Hillary
Hillary

Dear man,

I appreciate your response, but the main reason that I didn’t address the male side of the issue is that first, I am a girl and I don’t know for sure the male side of it, but also I am not writing this column alone. Alex Mitchell is also writing for part of this and he is addressing the male aspect of issues. I do not pretend to know what is going on in guys heads around here, why don’t you enlighten us? Since this was a question from a girl’s point of view, I responded, and you’re free to comment on what you think about it. I’d be curious to hear what you have to say about the issue. So do you think that girls are only looking for hook ups? Have you had bad experiences that lead you to believe that we are less than the girlfriend types?

I do feel that a lot of CMC is like a meat market, but that’s not always a bad thing. It’s fun to flirt and go out with your friends and have a reason to dress up and look hot. Even in that respect I do think that there is a bias against relationships here, and the concept of “dating” like adults does not apply. It’s tough to see where some people draw the line between hooking up and dating because in my opinion girls aren’t always treated with the utmost respect.

Hillary
Hillary

Dear simulacric_bro,

I also appreciate your point of view, and I hope that not coming off like a tool works for you, but I’m not sure that your subtlety is at the level you think it is. I like the idea of telling the friends, but not everyone is comfortable talking about money issues with their friends.

Hillary
Hillary

Dear simulacric_bro,

I also appreciate your point of view, and I hope that not coming off like a tool works for you, but I’m not sure that your subtlety is at the level you think it is. I like the idea of telling the friends, but not everyone is comfortable talking about money issues with their friends.

Hillary
Ross Boomer, Editor-in-Chief

Ohhh smack
Ross Boomer, Editor-in-Chief

Ohhh smack
simulacric_bro

Smack indeed. Hillary’s snide comments aside, my point was not subtlety. I was trying to humorously show that anything but being open with your friends implicitly parses the word friend of all meaning. Take her suggestion, which boils down to avoiding the issue by getting a job or by being frugal (or some combination thereof). You’re busting your ass behind your friends’ backs in order to be with them. Hanging out with your friends is not some job that you have to work for. Her advice makes it sound like your friends are something that you need to earn, something that you need to save for. Ridiculous!

Sure some people aren’t “comfortable talking about money issues with their friends,” but then they’re either weak or have shitty “friends”, and we need to talk about something else.
simulacric_bro

Smack indeed. Hillary’s snide comments aside, my point was not subtlety. I was trying to humorously show that anything but being open with your friends implicitly parses the word friend of all meaning. Take her suggestion, which boils down to avoiding the issue by getting a job or by being frugal (or some combination thereof). You’re busting your ass behind your friends’ backs in order to be with them. Hanging out with your friends is not some job that you have to work for. Her advice makes it sound like your friends are something that you need to earn, something that you need to save for. Ridiculous!

Sure some people aren’t “comfortable talking about money issues with their friends,” but then they’re either weak or have shitty “friends”, and we need to talk about something else.
Hillary Tribbs

I do not feel that I am being snide in any way; I am addressing an issue with a person who does not necessarily want to change their behavior or group of friends. If you enjoy your friends company and value that friendship there are ways to keep enjoying the lifestyle that you have chosen to live without completely altering your social circle. Your friends, or at least the good and observant ones, know a certain degree of your financial means based on the way that you choose to live your life. Someone’s decision not to degrade the friendship by making a huge issue about money might be a personal choice and they don’t want to injure their own pride any more than necessary.

This is only one way to solve the problem, which is kind of the point of an advice column, so if you have opinions about how you would solve the problem feel free to leave them as a post, but don’t degrade me or my opinion as I am respecting you and your point of view in return.
Ross Boomer, Editor-in-Chief

I love me some controversy

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