A plastic lawnchair occupies the stale dim living room.
a regrettable purchase from a long-ago trip to wal-mart.
straps of periwinkle and white cris-cross to form the
surprisingly comfortable seat he occupies. he sits
surrounded by the remnants of cheap beer and a cheaper marriage.

dirty dishes lay mangled in the sink. the television softly
hums the channel 8 news. he slouches, his belly—a recent
addition to a formerly toned carpenter’s physique—crests
over his belt. the scraggly grey beard trickles down his chin.
he glares at the crack in the window, questioning the sunlight.

a fly buzzes overhead, making its rounds through the house
seeing what it can bother. he reaches up and swats. missed.
he repeats his futile attempt and loses himself. hopping through
the room, barking and hollering at the damned fly, he lunges
and makes contact, only to clip the wing. the fly lazily falls
to the floor in a misshapen spiral. it continues twitching and
groaning on the floor. the chair beckons, and he returns.

To be fair, Under the Light’s production of Woody Allen’s “Don’t Drink the Water” was not without strengths.

The two act play is about a typical vacationing American family—complete with Hawaiian shirt, camera, and cultural insensitivity—mistaken for spies when Soviet police catch Walter Hollander (Dan Feblowitz), the father of the family, snapping photos of missiles at a military base. Walter, along with his wife Marion (Katherine Wernet) and daughter Susan (Cecily Keppel) run to the American embassy to seek asylum. There, they are confronted with Axel (Zeben Kopchak), the incompetent son of Ambassador Magee (David Pezzola), Kilroy (Amanda Sardis) the angry secretary, the even angrier chef (Naomi Bagdonas), and a strange magician priest, Father Drobney (Max Menke) who has lived at the embassy for the past six years. The family’s arrival is followed by an explosion of time bombs, elaborate escape plans, magic tricks, a bunny rabbit, romance, and guns, before the play ends with a rather conclusive bang.

Amidst the jamboree, Katherine Wernet’s and Max Menke’s acting stood out from the fray. Wernet was both annoying and charming–exactly how one would expect a suburban housewife who is past her prime and stuck in a foreign land. Menke’s portrayal of the crazy and eager-to-please priest was hilarious and believable. The comical scene where Marion grapples with Father Doheny who is stuck in a straight-jacket when a magic trick (a la Houdini) goes awry is physical comedy at its highest. Equally funny are the angry exchanges between the chef and Walter. Both Feblowitz and Bagdonas (this actress has impeccable timing) used the stage effectively—moving away to express dissonance, increasing tension by standing in each others’ faces, and pulling a rabbit out of the hat (quite literally) for maximum entertainment.

I would like to have seen the same chemistry between the lovebirds, Axel and Susan, but all I saw were stilted interactions. To their credit, the kissing scene was by far the most convincing of all UTL kissing I have seen before. Nevertheless, Keppel’s acting reminded me of Elisha Cuthbert’s in the first season of 24 (interpret that as you will) and Kopchak… well I think he was trying to portray a lost, incompetent diplomat, but all he seemed to be able to portray was a lost, incompetent actor. Misstating your lines is one thing, but to have difficulty suppressing your nervous laughter when doing so is simply unacceptable—especially if you have a significant role in the production.

As for the minor characters, most noteworthy is Krojack (Danielle Spencer), a NKVD officer. Spencer’s portrayal of an angry Russian witch is forceful and realistic—so much so that I could not help but wonder whether the actress was actually acting. Applause is also due to Solon Christensen-Szalanski for doing a stellar job as an officer and most notably, the wine-loving dignitary. Sure his part is small, yet he embodied his character and made the most out of his three lines. Perhaps Countess Bordoni (Divya Vishwanath) could have taken a leaf out her co-actor’s book and not have recited her lines so monotonously. Also, who was the costume designer? A purple jersey dress does not a black tie attire make. (Props, however, to Christensen-Szalanski’s three-piece suit and leather pants, and Wernet’s dress for the dinner party was perfect for her character.)

A combination of dull acting and true talent, of incidental and purposeful comedy, of bad and good accents, UTL’s performance, at the end of the night, was a most exasperating concoction. A few good actors did not overshadow for the poor performance of others. Perhaps “Don’t drink the water” is a wise piece of advice one can give to friends traveling to foreign terrains. Here’s my advice on viewing UTL plays: Don’t expect much. I left the Athenaeum slightly disappointed as I had seen better plays directed by Brendan Sasso. At the end of the night, did Wernet and Menke’s acting keep the play afloat? The answer is a resounding no.

Editor’s Note: The Forum welcomes reviews of campus events and, if need be, can publish them–as we did here–under the pseudonym, Campus Critic.

“It was totally great to have him here” said Charlie Sands, a Pitzer senior. “It’s so clear that we need radical change. We need to break our paradigm. The oil companies, and the WTO just run this world, man, and it’s not right.”

Ayers was only the first speaker. Future speakers will include:

• Timothy McVeigh - The Oklahoma City bomber will deliver an address entitled, “The Power of Knowledge: How chemistry changed my life, and how it can be the change we need.”
• Khalid Sheikh Mohammed – The architect of 9/11 will lecture on “Effective Community Organizing: How can you improve communications with your target audience?”
• Osama Bin Laden - The world’s most notorious activist for change and movement leader will deliver the keynote address of the series,” Fighting for Social Justice: How will you remake the world we live in?”

Pitzer College initially had trouble financing the series. “Certain people were reluctant to fund this project” said visiting professor Bobby Seale. “We went to KLI (the Kravis Leadership Institute) and they said ‘are you f***ing kidding?’ but I wasn’t deterred. I know Pitzer students deserve the break out of the prisms of ‘rational thought’ that the other 4Cs try to impose…”

Senior Administration officials at other colleges were unavailable for comment, though several CMC Government professors were overheard plotting to purchase firearms. Said one anonymous CMC professor “Times are tough, and there’s a $25 million bounty on Bin Laden.”

Editor’s Note: You can read more of this article and other entertaining “news” at www.thestaghen.com

read more at www.thestaghen.com

The Claremont Political Union was created as a confluence of the Claremont Democrats and Claremont Republicans clubs, and CMC’s two partisan newspapers, the Claremont Port Side, and the Claremont Independent. According to President of the Claremont Democrats, Elaine Maloney (SC ’08), “People might be involved in politics, but might not be allegiant to a party. But this is a good place to start for the same goal.” Mike Whatley (CMC ’11), Vice-President of Operations for the Claremont Republicans, echoed this goal: “It is a good thing to come together, and hold events together in a friendly environment.”

Yet, the debate over the choice of TV channel almost turned the event hostile. A half-dozen Republicans charged the party’s organizers with partisanship because they chose CNN over Fox News. To appease both sides, the CPU decided to switch between channels every 30 minutes. Yet, Mr. Whatley told me that “CNN was better anyway.”

By 6 PM, The Hub was full of Democrats, Republicans, and Independents alike, and voting in California was still open for another two hours. Sometime after 6 p.m., CNN made a projection—Barack Obama had won Delaware. The crowd of Obama supporters was glowing and cheering. On the other side, the response was more hushed during Republican projections—when John McCain won New York, the crowd remained mostly unmoved with a few scattered claps and boos.

None of the organizations in the CPU endorsed a candidate as a club, and are now focused on future events and funding. They are planning an “unconventional partisan debate” during Alumni Weekend, and are seeking funding as an organization (a consortium within a consortium?), instead of using funds from each member club. This time, club funds bought sets of red, white, and blue balloons and a handy delegate chart that was much easier to follow than that of the Situation Room at CNN.

Breaking from the usual CMC party scene, the clubs did not buy alcohol with their funds. “No one here is looking to get smashed on a Tuesday night,” said Ms. Maloney. Still, a few students improvised with Chardonnay (Obama supporters).

In CMC’s community of political involvement and partisanship, many students loved the bipartisan atmosphere. Molly Doyle (CMC ’09) said, “I’m just so excited to be here. This event would only happen at CMC.”