Don’t get me wrong, I am not the unabomber anarcho-capitalist type–though some people have excused me of this level of extremism. I do accept the need for government on some level. I just don’t think any sane person could assert that the winding maze of IRS protocol represents the most effective means of collecting taxes. Americans pay 250 billion dollars every year in preparation for filing their personal income, all in the hopes that they can exploit the wording of some antiquated bill and save a buck or two.This is a system that rewards trickery and deception, a system that rewards the stashing of assets off-shore in made up micro-nations.

So what’s the answer? My personal favorite solution is called the Fair Tax. The Fair Tax would repeal the federal income tax in favor of a national sale tax at a rate of 23%. Essentially, individuals would be taxed on their consumption as opposed to their income. All citizens would receive a “pre-bate”, meaning everyone would get a refund for their first 20,000 dollars of spending. This would make the Fair Tax a progressive tax, with the rich paying more than the poor. Importantly, goods would only be taxed at their final stop, meaning that all investment, savings, and charitable giving would be tax free expenditures. This change in the incentive structure would undoubtedly lead to an unparalleled expansion of the US economy. Foreign companies would move their headquarters to the good ole US of A in the hopes of cashing in on this favorable tax structure.

Studies have shown that the implementation of the Fair Tax would result in the same level of tax revenue for the federal government, meaning you liberals could maintain all those entitlement programs that assuage your guilt so effectively. One of the reasons revenue neutrality would be possible is that the Fair Tax would be able to tax black market industries that currently avoid taxation by virtue of their extralegal status. Even your local drug dealer would have pay Uncle Sam his cut when he buys 24 inch rims. Even prostitutes have to by those stilettos and fishnet stockings somewhere, right?

In the end though, the Fair Tax is only one solution. While you may disagree with the Fair Tax on specifics, I think we can all agree that something has to change. Every April 15^th is a painful reminder that our tax code is painfully inefficient and woefully complex. Changing the tax code, now that’s some change I can believe in. Come on Obama get to work…

But that’s not what study abroad is all about. I haven’t learned anything special about the Mideast peace process just because my classroom happens to be located on the front lines. More importantly, this isn’t my area of expertise, and others surely could write more informed articles on that tangled mess than I ever could.

What you gain from study abroad isn’t academic. Instead, you learn how it feels to live in a foreign country far removed from the bubble that is CMC. How it feels to walk down the streets of Jerusalem late at night: that’s something I could have never learned in an ivory tower. So in truth, it’s the day to day existence and not the politics of Jerusalem that I’ve become well versed in.

Deciding where to begin a description of Jerusalem might be the hardest part. Ironically, this city’s most defining characteristic is that it has none. Each neighborhood is a world unto itself, completely different and separate from its surroundings. Walking just few blocks can transport you thousands miles and hundreds of years.

I am most familiar with the district where I lived—Arab East Jerusalem. This portion of the city really could be located anywhere in the Middle East. The women are veiled, the men smoke cigarettes, and the call to prayer comes from Mosque mounted stereo systems. When you’re in East Jerusalem the name of city even changes. You’re in Al-Quds now, forget all about Yerushalayim. If you’re a girl and you walk through this neighborhood wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans, expect to be gawked at. But don’t worry. They don’t mean any harm, you’re just a novelty.

East Jerusalem

If you walk just a few blocks to the west, you’ll find yourself in Mea Shearim—Jerusalem’s orthodox Jewish neighborhood. In this neighborhood one could easily begin to believe they’ve been transported back to 18th century Poland. At least until the 90 degree heat brings you back to reality. All the men have long beards, black coats, and solemn faces. But most importantly, the residents of Mea Shearim take the commandments of the Torah to their literal and logical extreme. Even ambulances get stoned if they drive through here on Yom Kipper.

Directly adjacent to Mea Shearim is Jerusalem’s Old City. A visitor can’t help but be immediately overcome by the imposing 16th century Turkish walls surrounding the oldest section of Jerusalem. Inside exists not only an area of untold religious significance, but also what is perhaps the most fought over square mile in world history. Whether you’re leaving a prayer in the Wailing Wall, visiting the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, or simply admiring the Dome of the Rock, even the most callous atheist can’t help but feel little a moved. Only the storekeeper trying to sell an overpriced souvenir reminds you that you’re still in the 21st century.

However, as much as I love the Old City, my favorite part of Jerusalem is located about a half a mile to the west. The world famous Ben Yehuda Street, once the site of numerous suicide bombings, today has become a veritable party plaza. Here both a hookah and a shot of vodka come complementary with your first drink. The Discotheques are wild and bring back memories of my time in Germany as a 17-year-old. There even is a gay club, with the humorous name Bonita. Why it’s in Spanish I’ll never know.

Now I undoubtedly could keep going on and on. I’m sure there are plenty of neighborhoods I did not explore during my six months. Jerusalem is one of the most varied and diverse cities on the planet, and a person could spend their whole life here without seeing it all.

Yet, the same diversity that makes Jerusalem so fascinating is also what tears this city apart. The neighborhoods I have just described truly are separate: the people who reside in one neighborhood know nothing of the people in the others. When I spoke with an attendant at the Arab supermarket where I sometimes shop, he had no idea it was Yom Kipper, though the nearby Jewish streets were closed. On the other hand, my Israeli relatives were completely unaware of the ongoing celebration of Ramadan, despite the holiday lights strung along the vacant Arab store fronts. This lack of knowledge comes as little surprise, though: the city is so divided that the Arabs and Jews even have separate busing systems.

This brings me back to politics. You can talk forever about whose right, whose occupying whom, and who started what, but in my opinion all these questions miss the crux of the problem. The Arab-Israeli conflict will never come to a conclusion so long as both parties attempt to completely compartmentalize themselves and avoid all contact with the other side. Only once Arabs and Jews engage in conversation and commerce will an end to this conflict be in sight. And I’m not talking about the politicians; I’m talking about the everyday people on the street.

What disheartens me most about this place is that the average Arab and the average Jew seem quite similar to my western eyes. Both speak a Semitic language, and both share relatively similar values. Even the extremes are no more different than an atheist and an evangelical christian, two groups who manage to coexist quite peacefully in America. Yet these two sides—Arab and Jew—seem cursed to fight forever because of proclamations written in books published thousands of years ago. Sometimes I get so frustrated it makes me sick.

I too have always felt a little conflicted on this issue. While I without question support the right of gays and lesbians to come together in order to form lifelong partnerships, I cannot argue with the fact that marriage is a term caught up in the trappings of religion. Historically, marriage consisted of a bride and groom being brought together into holy matrimony under the auspices of a priest or minister officiating at a local church. Simply, marriage is a term and an institution that has throughout history been associated with religion. This is why I have always found it is easier to support the idea of full civil unions rather than marriage for gays and lesbians.

Recently, however, I have begun to question even my own attachment to the term marriage. While I may be straight, I am by no stretch of the imagination religious. So for what reason do I feel the need to get married? When I gave it a little thought, I struggled to find one answer as to why a civil union would be insufficient for my purposes. I am not religious and I frankly feel no need to participate in the traditional marriage ritual. I would go so far as to actually say that those who are straight but not religious should express their solidarity with the gay community by requesting civil unions as well. This is what I hope to someday do.

I believe that this sort of understanding of gay marriage has the potential bridge the divide of opinion that currently exists in America. The State could issue civil unions to all those who desired them, gay and straight alike. Those who felt so inclined could take the additional step and participate in a marriage ceremony at their local place of worship. Civil unions would remain the proper domain of the state and marriage the proper domain of religion.

So I’m going to be honest with you, when I was growing up I watched the Disney Channel all the time. I could lie and say I was merely scoping out Hilary Duff, but that would be, as I said, a lie. I just genuinely enjoyed their award-winning content. Now I’ll willingly admit that the acting was at times wooden and the storylines were a tad contrived. But that didn’t matter to me. Even Stevens, Lizzy McGuire, That’s So Raven: I ate that stuff up like nobody’s business.

You can imagine my surprise when two years ago I was reintroduced to a relic from my childhood: Shia LaBeouf. I first saw his name while watching a trailer for the Transformers movie. My skepticism about the ability to adapt a cartoon centered around robot-cars into a live-action movie was magnified when I saw who had landed the lead role. I could not believe that I was staring at one of my old favorites: the zany Louis from the hit show Even Stevens.

Ever since then I feel like I see Shia LaBeouf in every blockbuster movie I go to. And in every movie I see him in, I simply cannot take him seriously. The words coming out of his mouth are irrelevant; to me he’ll forever be the young trouble-making nerd Louis Stevens. 

Now my question to Hollywood is this: Are you freaking kidding me? You really couldn’t find someone better to tap as the next it actor? Now don’t get me wrong, I really did love the Disney Channel. But those shows weren’t  pillars of their craft by any stretch of the imagination. What’s next? Is Gordo from Lizzy McGuire going to be the next James Bond or something? I don’t think I could handle that.

On the first day of this semester, I went to Ethan Andyshak, the Director of Residential Life, and requested to be moved to a single. He informed me that for a variety of reasons some students were not going to be returning this semester and that there was a chance he’d be able to fill my request. He’d said he would get back to me with an answer in no longer than one week.

It has been a little over two months. I have yet to receive a response. I have had my countless emails outright ignored. I have had five pointless meetings. I have talked with Fid Castro, Ethan Andyshak’s direct superior. And I have yet to receive one freaking definitive word. Not a yes, not a no. I still have stuff piled in my car in preparation for a potential move that I have been told over and over again could occur any day now.

This is what I have been able to cobble together about the housing situation as I sifted through the maze of double speak that has been spewed my way. First, there still are open singles. Multiple singles. However, as much as it pains me to say this, I can kind of understand why I have not been put into one of these open rooms. I have been told they are keeping them open in order to create flexibility during the RA change over. This does make sense to me. They have strung me along by claiming I may still receive one of these rooms after spring break. I have a sneaking suspicion that this article might be the nail in my coffin that prevents this from happening.

The real reason I am angry goes as follows. At the beginning of the year there were students living in singles requesting to live in doubles anywhere. While I am left to wonder why these people were put in singles to begin with, I’ll ignore that question for the time being. It is important to keep in mind that this information has come straight from Mr. Andyshak himself. The truth could be even more ridiculous than what he has happened to let slip during our numerous conversations.

These were students who wanted to move to doubles, so switching rooms would have been a net benefit for both sides. However, because of the bureaucracy of the system I was not put into contact with any of the several people requesting to move into a double until last week. That would be 2 full months after I first made my request. Unsurprisingly, at this point in the year they were so settled into their rooms that they no longer wanted to move.

I want to make clear that I don’t want this article to be seen as a personal attack. For all I know Ethan Andyshak is merely following protocol. If this is the case, it’s not with him that I have a problem. It’s rather with the painfully inefficient bureaucracy of the system. I fully understand that not all requests can be honored. But I don’t feel like it is asking too much to say that requests should be dealt with in a timely and efficient manner. A yes when willing parties exist, and a no when they do not—that’s all I really want from my housing department.

Housing is an important part of our college experience. From what I have heard anecdotally, I am not the only one who experienced this sort of turmoil. This article was really just me being a whiner. Tell me your stories. If you plan to apply to be an RA in the future and are worried about retribution, post anonymously, but these wrongs must be aired. Maybe once and for all we can help destroy the bureaucratic red tape that defines CMC’s housing policies.

To be honest, I don’t think anyone in the history of the world has ever had a problem entertaining themselves when they were wasted. Frankly, I’d rather ASCMC focus on things that Jack Daniels and Jim Bean can’t already provide for me. For example, what if they tried bring more employers to our campus. With the economy tanking, we need CMC’s help finding internships and post-graduation employment more than ever.  If ASCMC and the rest of our student government is to ever be anything more than fodder for the resumes of the over-ambitious it has to break the mold. Right now it is nothing more than a glorified party planning agency.

However, as long as these positions continue to be democratically elected, this is never going to happen. The only thing cool in our frat boy culture is those events associated with the killing of brain cells.  Sadly, the only way to get our votes is to pretend like Sunday-Wednesday is an inconsequential portion of the week.

So in a sentence: the voters are idiots. Yeah I’m talking about you.  It’s not the candidate’s fault that the only thing ever mentioned is alcohol; it’s our own damn fault.  A democratic election is only as valuable as its constituent voters. A populace that is uniformly biased in one direction—in our case towards electing the most John Belushiesque candidate—cannot help but produce flawed results.

The only solution to this seemingly insoluble problem is to get rid of the democratic process all together.  Let’s have an “elite” council of Guardians within ASCMC appoint the various positions. Those are the people who most understand the rigors of the job and who are best positioned to find the most qualified applicant.

Now, if this was instituted, I’m sure lots of people would bitch and moan. I got that covered don’t worry. All we would need is sham elections. ASCMC could just “count” the votes in such a way as to make sure their candidate wins. That way everyone ends up happy. We get the warm fuzzy feeling that our vote made a difference, while still electing those most qualified to lead our campus. Damn…this doesn’t even sound that bad. I am not so sure I am even joking anymore.

(Corrected: John, not Jim Belushi)