QD3 — Hip Hop producer and son of music legend Quincy Jones — has created a surprisingly compelling documentary offering audiences a rare peek into the unusual psychology of Lil Wayne. When I first heard about “The Carter,” I expected a self-gratifying Wayne tribute involving some combination of hoes, clothes, and automobiles. Imagine my surprise when the film was screened at Sundance and met with rave reviews. Contrary to my preconceptions, The Carter is not a trashy E! Hollywood story or an extended version of an ass  + titties + Hennessy music video, but rather a intimate portrait of one of the hardest working artists in hip hop. They shot direct footage of Wayne’s touring life over a 6-month period, both before and after the drop of The Carter III. Everything is laid bare, from his non-stop blunt smoking and addiction to Codeine cough syrup and Soda (sizzurp), to the story of how he was raped at 11 (and loved it). You see rare creative moments like his “Swagga Like Us” verse in its infancy, created like all of his music — with no pen and no pad, just his Mac and a stand alone mic. Lil Wayne later pulled his support from the movie and tried to remove the scenes showing him drinking syrup (impossible, cause he is “double cupped” pretty much the whole movie). In my opinion, he should be thanking the makers of this film, for capturing a genuinely interesting side of him that we don’t get to see. His commitment to recording every waking second and his ability to retain thousand of verses by memory only ( so there is “no evidence,” he says) has elevated him, at least in my mind, to a level possibly deserving of his most presumptuous of nicknames — Best Rapper Alive.

It could be that great comedians typically experience socially awkward, traumatic, and/or insecure childhoods, learn to use humor as a survival skill/coping mechanism/social currency, and ultimately become quick witted, self-deprecating, and — most importantly — funny people. More likely than not, that person is the mousy brunette girl rather than the blonde bombshell. On the other hand, that could be complete bullshit. Either way, when it comes to comedy — a notoriously hard genre for any woman to break into successfully — general precedent seems to indicate that brunettes bring the laughs harder/better/faster than blondes do. And this is relevant why? All of my random and rambling speculation brings us to the general theme of tonight’s 8:27 — exclusively blonde comedy. Procrastinate freely and decide for yourselves.

1. Molly Sims Acting Reel
   You may only recognize Molly Sims from the pages of the SI Swimsuit issue or as that one hot chick from the Jizz in My Pants video. Because of her smoking bod, her considerable acting chops are often overlooked. For example, I doubt you were aware of the fact that she won her first Academy Award at the tender age of 6 for playing Ava Gardner in — Oh wait… what?… I apologize, apparently that last bit never happened. She was, however, one of the main characters in the ensemble cast of the NBC casino dramady Las Vegas. It’s syndicated on TNT! Point is, the woman can act and she wants to prove it to you in this Funny or Die short. She just may be the greatest supermodel turned actress ever, excluding of course Tyra Banks and her movingly candid breakout performance.
2. Chelsea Lately
   Stand-up comedian, best-selling author, and full-time blonde Chelsea Handler is definitely hilarious, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity (her show is on the E! network). If reading texts from last night in Poppa lab isn’t satisfying your desire to avoid work, I suggest you try taking your procrastination to the next level – off-campus. Handler’s late night talk show Chelsea Lately is filmed in front of a studio audience Monday through Thursday just a short drive away in L.A. If you want to attend a taping, tickets are free and readily available here. Advance warning: the audience is on-camera, so make sure to get your hurr did and don’t forget to smize.
   Hilarious as per usual, Chelsea sits down for an interview with T.I. before he begins his jail sentence. Soon to be a felon and Chelsea still shamelessly hits on the man — much respect, Handler. COUGAR PRIDE.

   
   In this skit, Handler goes to a fertility clinic to donate her eggs — though they are probably not even viable after being soaked in grain alcohol for the better part of that booze cruise.

3. Dumb Blonde Moments
   One of the most universal stereotypes about  fair-haired females has inspired “The Man” to compile this list of the Top Ten Funniest Dumb Blonde Moments in TV history . They’ve got a rep for being stupid, they can’t shake it, and the people on this list don’t help their cause any. I realize that this may not technically count as blondes being funny, because the hilarity is unintentional and all. Either way, they made me laugh, so count it in their favor (cause I’m sure you are diligently keeping score). Below is my personal favorite selection, featuring American Idol alum Kellie Pickler. The girl is proof that all you need to be successful is Simon Cowell and fabulous highlights, right Ryan Seacrest?

4. Carrie Prejean’s Sex Tape
   Funny or Die.com surfaces yet again with a mock version of ex-Miss America ’09 Carrie Prejean’s sex tape. Judging the winner of this entry presents a quandary: while the real Carrie Prejean is definitely not a funny blonde, I can’t tell whether the fake Carrie Prejean is a brunette under that blonde wig, let alone whether or not she is funny. I’m going to assume she is on the side of the blondes, mainly due to the unfortunate Perez Hilton cameo at the end (Evidence: he is chronically un-funny, he’s named after Paris Hilton, he hangs out with a hair bleach addict named Lady Gaga.)

5. Sell the Vatican, Feed the World
   In the spirit of equality, here is a brunette comedienne to round the list out. Sarah Silverman’s risque style — peppered with racism, sexism, sacrilege, and deviant sexual language — is reviled by some and praised by others. That doesn’t really matter in this case though, because what’s not to love about ending world hunger? I honestly don’t know why someone didn’t think of cashing in the Vatican before, it is just sitting there. What I do know is that Sarah needs to write a grievance letter to the Norwegians, because Barack effing robbed her of that Nobel Peace Prize.

As far as the blonde vs. brunette debate goes, I call the score even and the question moot… because I feel like it would really suck to have Hilary Clinton pissed at me.

1. The Fresh Prince of Brooklyn
   NY-based three piece Pearl and The Beard created this medley of classic Will Smith songs. They make impressively good use of a single drum, xylophone, and cello — give it a listen:
2. Killa Thrilla in Manila
   OK, we get it, Micheal Jackson is dead and errybody is on his jock all the sudden. This song has been covered by many different artists, especially in the wake of his fake death (I swear he’s pulling a Tupac). While this is not my absolute favorite cover — see Ben Gibbard or Imogen Heap — the xylophone is a nice touch and it is a very well-done video song (amalgam of individual video clips edited and spliced to make a full song). My only qualm is the creepy death stare of the lead singer, who I am pretty sure I saw working at the Motley the other day.
   
3. Whatever You Like (no, not the adorable election version)
   Oh snap, T.I.’s in jail? No sweat, Anya Marina’s got it covered. Recently featured on Gossip Girl, Anya Marina has been performing this cover for a while, but had yet to release a music video until now. The video, shot by Nylon magazine, lives up the the raunchy chorus — it’s set in a store for erotic wares, wink wink. Weeds fans may recognize a cameo from Agrestic’s own Andy Botwin.
   
4. It’s pronounced “Chaos”
   Indie kids are definitely not the only ones mixing styles, so to balance out the post a bit, here is “I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman” by K-os. I know this song is a sample rather than a straight cover,  but he is a personal favorite of mine and the song title is great and I do what I want.  The song samples the now classic O.C. theme song by Phantom Planet, “California.” Pretty much, K-os looks like a broke ass Will. I. AM and I love it:

1. Tool solidarity–Are d-bags just a misunderstood demographic? They seem to think so. Maybe we need to stop judging and start listening, people. (warning: make sure to listen extra hard, they may be difficult to hear over the Andre Nickatina and slurred chants of “take off your top.”)
We Are Douchebags – watch more funny videos
2. Garfunkel and Oates– What’s that smell? Axe Body Spray and Desperation? According to this comedy group/band, your party has most likely taken a turn for the douche. It may look like a another lame video of two girls rapping on a couch, but listen to the lyrics and you’ll find hilarious one-liners and a fairly accurate summary of  S.D.O.P. (Standard Douchebag Operating Procedure).
3. Brohemian Rhapsody– You have probably seen this classic College Humor remake by now, but if not, then enjoy peons. This is probably more along the lines of the CMC- type douchebag than the previous submissions, as we tend towards Bro’s and Chiefs rather than collar popping Tools and Ed Hardy addicts. Freddie Mercury would be proud. (I admit, that’s a stretch.)

Kanye has apparently abandoned music all together – what with his Louis Vuitton stuntin’, brand new clothing line, and other fashion pursuits. Now he stars in a short film directed by Mr. Wild Thing himself, Spike Jonze. The video features Kanye acting a fool in a nightclub, essentially playing an over the top version of his tabloid persona – Drunkye West. This is not the first time that Kanye has poked fun at himself for his public antics, but this portrayal is decidedly darker than his 4 minute SNL appearance. I don’t know whether I personally like the mini-film or not, but it’s definitely worth viewing if only to watch Kanye West hemorrhage pink flower petals (no joke).

Here is his SNL performance, just for kicks and giggs:

Airhorns have long been a staple of the merry prankster, but this simple twist on a classic trick is pretty hilarious. That being said, if anyone tries to pull this on me, I will hurt you. I will go Beatrix Kiddo on your ass all day long. Bring it on again.

Apparently Starz! has picked up this site for a  show. In other news, I have lost all hope in broadcast television and will now proceed to cry while watching reruns of The Cosby Show and Fresh Prince.

The Matrix:

Superman:

Ocean’s 40 (?):

It’s got the mindless banter of The Hills combined with the fuzzy adorability of The Muppets, splashed with a hint of lots and lots of sex and drugs. If you like The Hills, then you’ll like this. If you don’t like The Hills, then you’ll like this. If you don’t know/care about The Hills, then pat yourself on the back, buy yourself a beer, and demand a raise at work; because you, my friend, are going places.

Normally, I steer clear of John Cusak movies post-High Fidelity. But, Roland Emmirch, you have outdone yourself sir. Here is a five minute clip of Los Angeles taking it hard from Mother Nature in the upcoming film, 2012.

I mean, it would be unfortunate if this happened. On the other hand, how sick would Disneyland be underwater?

I am speechless. This motorcyclist’s driving is so reckless, its not even reckless anymore — its just admirable.