Dear Hillary,

My best friend gets absolutely black out drunk every weekend. It’s turning into a problem because being black out is her goal whenever we drink even though the rest of us aren’t doing the same. I am really concerned that she might get hurt while drunk even though I know that CMC is safe. What can I say without hurting her or losing her as a friend?

Wow, this is going to be one intense conversation. I think the best way to approach it is to be honest and very direct about it. I would advise you not to bring your other friends into it because she might feel like she is being ganged up on. If she discusses it with them and they are able to express similar concerns at a later point that might help your case. Sit her down sometime when you both have time to talk it out and try to express in a nice way that you are concerned that something might happen to her. You might want be able to ask her why she feels the need to drink that much, but that might come off a little strong and I’d be wary of asking that too directly. You don’t want her to feel like she is being attacked, it’s better to frame it as a legitimate concern for her health and safety.

If you are not ready to talk to her about it yet there are some decent resources for counseling on campus. These are also available to her if she agrees it is a problem she might want to seek help outside of your social support and see a professional. Monsour Counseling & Psychological Services Center is a good place to start and if other resources are needed they would surely provide more information for you both. RAs are always on hand if you feel like you need someone older but slightly less official to talk this over with. I would advise against talking too much about this with other friends just because you might not want to seem like you have talked to everyone but her about it. It’s also not good to talk behind your friend’s back anyways, so this direct approach might make it a simpler problem. You don’t want to have trust issues on top of drinking issues. Good luck!

Welcome to college! Sad fact of not only CMC but of most the other hundreds of colleges and universities are all experiencing this similar phenomenon that old people call the hook up culture. Yes, TNC can be a bit of a meat market, but that is what college parties are like. If you are looking for a relationship that starts from a Thursday night hook-up then you are destined to fail. I do know plenty of people that are in relationships, and no not just the holdovers from high school, but I’m willing to bet most, if not all of those relationships did not begin at TNC or a similar social gathering. TNC is not really meant for finding a person to spend a lot of time with, it is more about finding someone to spend the night with.

Good news is that there are a good number of good (and also good looking) guys at the 5Cs. Since we are one of the few liberal arts colleges to still have a roughly equal gender ratio there is hope to finding someone special. There are plenty of people that are not relationship averse, and these people are potentially at TNC or other parties, but that’s not really where they might be looking for that special lady. I’m not a relationship guru, but I’d be willing to bet that smaller social gatherings would give you time to get to know someone new.

Dear Hillary, I’m having some problems with my friends. My family has recently gone from a state of sound financial means (I barely needed financial aid) to a really bad state (I’m almost on a full-ride). My friends are all from really wealthy backgrounds, and we tend to go out a lot to LA to shop and eat on the weekends. I want to hang out with them, but I can’t afford it! What should I do?

Sounds like that along with the financial backing of your education your parents are also not able to back your bank account any more, which can be rough I know. Good news is that CMC has great financial aid packages that include federal work study money so you can provide an influx of cash for yourself. Work study is a great resource because it gets you to the front of the line for a lot of on campus jobs. There are so many opportunities to work on campus, that it should be fairly easy for you to find a job, and a well paid one, that can support your more expensive lifestyle: check any of the e-memos that are sent out campus wide, the mailroom, both in the mailroom and postings on the wall, phoneite, the athletic department, the multiple organizations that tutor local kids, or with most professors who are working on a research project. Even if you aren’t receiving work study there are jobs opportunities galore at the 5Cs. Also when you start spending your own money that you know exactly what you had to do in order to get that measly ten dollars you might tend toward being more frugal while out.

There are also ways to incur lesser expenses when out on the town with your friends. At restaurants drink water instead of ordering a drink, there’s three to four dollars at every meal, and if you are off campus as much as you say you are, that can add up quickly. Order half portions or split meals with a friend instead of taking the brunt of a thirty dollar entrée. In order not to be hungry you can pack snacks from the grocery store or even from the dining hall in order to keep your tummy full. Shopping, especially in LA, can be pricey, look for discounts and ask yourself if you are willing to part with your hard earned cash or if you are content enough to share in a friend’s killer find instead of spending your bank account on a single piece of clothing. Also, your friends will understand if beg off for reason of financial hardship, and missing one outing every now and then might make the others more fun. Trust me, it’s not the end of your social life and once you have a steady income you’ll appreciate the time spent with friends as opposed to the money spent on the locale.